your silence hovers, builds a wall
raindrops fall
that i could not see the blue sea
you lost me
in maze of doors, words so careless
(or) i lost you, us- sky's starless
my half-moon eyes betray reckless
fears & anxious longing for you
my shadows overwhelm me (sighs)
raindrops fall, you lost me, (or) i lost you, us -sky's starless
Posted for dVerse Poets Pub - MTB: Spanish Rain in the Ovillejo - hosted by Laura Bloomsbury. Join us for this challenging poetry form.
very nice poem
ReplyDeleteI like how you played around with the last lines. Mournful and gently potent poem, Grace.
ReplyDeleteI can feel the rain, the grayness of longing. Loved the reference of half moon eyes and shadows - Truedessa
ReplyDeleteVery nice. Luv the progression from silence to rain.
ReplyDeleteThanks for dropping by my blog
Much💖love
Grace - you nailed it beautifully...
ReplyDeleteGrace, you are truly a master poet. I love this piece.
ReplyDeleteMuch love,
David
SkepticsKaddish.com
This poem has a dream-like feel, a stream of consciousness, wandering in a maze. (Jane)
ReplyDeleteI especially enjoyed how you began, with raindrops obscuring the sea ~~~ lovely poetry, Grace.
ReplyDeleteAre last lines in each stanza to be read together or are they two alternate endings? That’s the sense I get from your words, that perhaps we can focus on the loss, or perhaps there are other, better things to focus on.❤️
ReplyDeleteBeautiful Grace ❤️
ReplyDeleteBeautiful 💖 (Chu On This)
ReplyDeleteYou molded this form to your poetic sensibility, the persona's unconquerable fear and longing. Nicely done, Grace!
ReplyDeleteWell done, Grace!
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ReplyDeleteRobin sonbu ckler11[[gmail....com]]
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