all night
i polish my skin
magnifiying every pore
(un)til copper gold
vibrant & electric
shiny as preening male crow
grunting & screeching with power
you stand quietly
watching all my efforts
then your voice
(un)slicing the shadows
sparks
with a fiery passion
each verse,
your nakedness
your shore of thoughts
your song of swallows
I listen,
(un)catching
each small stone
each
stress imprint
(un)folding
welling-
the air hisses with teeth
ripping out
all the plastic bubble
& shallow stars from my eyes
I am ....
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"Everyday in every way I’m getting better and better" - Emile Coue
I really love this... there is a mystery to this writing and I love to see this as unfinished in the sense that it's more a beginning than end.
ReplyDeleteNice idea and twist Bjorn, thanks!
DeleteI love your (in)s in this. A captivating poem that is perfect in being unfinished.
ReplyDeleteIs any poem ever truly finished? For often we return to them years later and rewrite them with new eyes, with new wisdom. It's like when we finish with a poem, no matter how many drafts--it is just a temporary, almost arbitrary decision to put the pen down; but for me, each poem throbs with half-life, eager & pliant, ready to be revisited & reshaped at my will.
ReplyDeleteWe are always a "work in progress." Beautifully put!
ReplyDeleteAlways something to carry us on as we learn and grow
ReplyDeleteIt is a beautiful write that invites curiosity and I love that it is 'unfinished' :o)
ReplyDeleteInteresting how the poem's title suggests it is both finished and unfinished by writing "(un)finished".
ReplyDeleteclever wordplay and a poem that leaves me with questions and meanings to ponder.
ReplyDeleteThat mysterious 'un' negating everything... fascinating also that eyes are full of plastic bubbles and stars, what a great contrast!
ReplyDeleteJust love the sense of mystery and allure that compels the reader to linger..!❤️ Beautifully done, Grace.
ReplyDeleteI am imperfectly perfect. :)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletealways something to carry us to our (un)finished work. Well done
ReplyDeleteOh wow this is just magical.
ReplyDeleteYour shore of thoughts
Your song of swallows
I love your word choices in this....they are exquisite....and the sense of 'birthing' that the words bring....like something magical and creative is about to be brought to life. Wonderful.
ReplyDeletei think it is an intriguing mystery
ReplyDeleteExcellent piece, Grace!! Another one of my favorites from you. :)
ReplyDeleteoh I love your poem, Grace :)
ReplyDeleteFantastic. Palpable (un)refined passion. Real stuff.
ReplyDeleteI like the (un)catching of stones. Love the potential of those opposites.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is gorgeous and I love it!
ReplyDeleteAn Amazon writing.
ReplyDeleteI don't normally like (un)conventional punctuation and spacing in poems, but the repeated (un) in this works so wonderfully and seems to have purpose.
ReplyDeleteI like the way this poem and be read as unfinished or finished - the I am can be taken as a question or it can be taken as (I Am) as in complete...nice...bkm
ReplyDeleteThe poem, to me, describes and means coming undone. I love the playing with words and forms with the parenthesis.
ReplyDeleteI got the same feeling as Selena, the feeling of coming (un)done. And I love it in unfinished-ness.
ReplyDeleteKay
So much to be told. It has to be an unfinished story!
ReplyDeleteHank
A powerful, declarative statement. Loved it.
ReplyDeleteSo very late to my reading....apologies.
ReplyDelete"the air hisses with teeth
ripping out
all the plastic bubble
& shallow stars from my eyes"
well....Unfinished poem....unfinished self....but I guess unlike many who read, I read these last lines and think the person is unfinished yes...but there is a negative sense to it for me...the hissing...ripping teeth.. shallow stars...hissing, ripping, shallow....almost a tearing down? Just me, I guess. But I am in a positive mood today....but I'm left feeling this person's "I am..." unfinished, will end up in a depression state? But again....mark of good writing to get me thinking!
I do like this, unfinished as it is!
ReplyDeleteVulnerable and ambivalent are the words that come to my mind.
ReplyDelete