a black hawk
hunches inside of me
subway train grinds,
moving the city
in same direction
to east/west
then south/north
actually, the animal
may be a giant whale
heaving one deep exhale
-who0000oosh-
are pigeons and gulls
scavenging scraps of bread
mirroring city folks,
whose bodies move clock-
wise, counter clock-
wise
i listen
-hummmm-
of bees & hummingbirds
to murmuration of starlings
carrying me
to feet of wild forest
to towering hair of willow tree
Posted for dVerse Poets Pub - Poetic Hum hosted by Gina. I am always striving to hear my poetic hum above the noise of the city and my hectic work life.
The challenge:
What is the poetic hum in your life? What hums in the background of your life that inspires you as you unconsciously listen while you work and live? Is the drone always there or do you have to cultivate the inspiration?
I love the title and shape of this poem, Grace. I also admire the use of line breaks and spacing, the way you move seamlessly from the black hawk to the subway train and the giant whale, and the sound of the lines:
ReplyDeleteheaving one deep exhale
-who0000oosh-
You’ve evoked the movement of the pigeons and the sounds of bees and birds beautifully.
The structure of this poem works so well. I love the evocations of nature, and the comparision with the clockwork of the train. I like the fact that each half could stand alone. I also think the sounds of nature could almost be the sounds of a train - the whoosh of the doors closing, the hum of movement, as if the train drives your imagination, too.
ReplyDeleteI like that the hum of nature can take you to many places. Well said.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I am carried by those starlings as well.
ReplyDeleteI really love the parallel parts here, like the mundane outside and the adventurous inside... the dreams of being the hawk... like being two voices in one.
ReplyDeleteyour poetry writing format reflects the artistic nature deep in you Grace. you blend the city sights and sounds with the beauty of nature around you, i love to see how they don't compete as you give them both a chance to speak to you. such a wonderful response to the prompt!
ReplyDelete" to feet of wild forest
ReplyDeleteto towering hair of willow tree" you are brought into the forest as one of its own. i like that harmony with nature. the formatting of the poem has a nice effect of separation of creating world versus other world
Love the title, Grace, and how you have structured the duality - and still it works together.
ReplyDeleteI love the touchback to Brian and Claudia in this. The three of you had some similar technique.
ReplyDeleteFrom inside to outside to wild side. Cool.
ReplyDeleteI love your description of the city activities as they hum on non-stop. The giant whale heaving is so good!
ReplyDeleteYour title is a perfect fit, like the nature of your identity trying to make itself seen.
ReplyDeleteturning the ugly into beauty!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful!love the onomatopoeia!
ReplyDeleteGrace- what a beautiful poem!
ReplyDeleteSure many sides to call upon
ReplyDeleteYour poetic him is vibrant and rings of spring and oceanic views. Lovely.
ReplyDeleteI like the layout of your poem it is an effective way to deliver the different sights and hums of life. A delightful read Grace
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful to "see" the hum of nature as it weaves in and out of the humdrum of the city. This is beautiful, Grace.
ReplyDeleteEverything city blended together in a series of hums. Love the format on this.
ReplyDeleteVery nicely done. I enjoyed the sensory exploration in your words.
ReplyDelete