"Everyday in every way I’m getting better and better" - Emile Coue
Thursday, March 21, 2019
black clouds
charred earth, i return to you
my voice hoarse as wind
murmuring goodbyes you don't hear
a fireball caught me
as my voice, hoarse as wind
was silenced by explosion
a fireball caught me
how was i to know death came
silently, an explosion
the sky was burning river
how was i to know death came
from clouds, black by silt and stones
as the sky turned to burning river
murmuring goodbyes you don't hear
from clouds, black by silt & stones, to
charred earth, i return to you
Posted for dVerse Poets Pub - OpenLinkNight - Hosted by Kim Russell.
This poem is written for those killed in the recent Ethiopian airline crash, that killed 157 people on board. "Some family members have been given charred earth from the crash site to help remember their loved ones."
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This is an excellent Pantoum... the message and the small changes between the repeated lines make the subtle change in the lament... and the voice of the dead is coming through so strong.
ReplyDeleteSo sad and beautiful, rocking the form. dVerse has become Pantoum City these days. Of course, my BLACKTHORNE does not work within the form. My last pantoum used short line and no rhymes; it felt very strong for me, a modern free verse hybrid.
ReplyDeleteA powerful pantoum, Grace, that evokes the sad tragedy, with the charred earth, the fireball, black clouds and murmured goodbyes. Tears has found their way into my eyes.
ReplyDelete"the sky turned to burning river murmuring goodbyes you don't hear from clouds," this is such a poignant and heart-wrenching Pantoum, Grace!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful write. I am always lost in thought after such a tragedy thinking of the dreams, the hopes,the families, the plans unfulfilled, destinations not reached. It boggles the mind.
ReplyDeleteThe phoenix falls. The big bang burned out?
ReplyDeleteWow - so effective the repetition.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful memorial to them with the goodbyes murmured from clouds.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautifully written memorial, you use the form so well.
ReplyDeleteThis is so moving. The starkness of the earth. All the memories and love that it contains! Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteVery powerful, well done.
ReplyDeletePowerful, Grace. Beautifully done.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great sad story poem. It is so sad to hear what happened with the plane crash. You have captured it well in every line!
ReplyDeleteOK, a dark news poem. Arggghhh. And to think I come here to avoid the news.
ReplyDeleteWell done, for the genre
You have captured this sad event with such beauty as only you can Grace. Touching
ReplyDeleteBeautiful and moving, and the form is seamless.
ReplyDeleteSure captured the awful event indeed
ReplyDeleteA touching eulogy, may the Earth nurture the soul.
ReplyDeleteA very sweet poem....I loved it.
ReplyDeleteQuite overwhelming, Grace. Isn't it amazing how the most tragic of events can inspire such powerful poetry. It's almost as they haunt us.
ReplyDeleteReally like this grace!
ReplyDeleteIt is dark but it is engaging, hard to stop reading. Vivid images!
DeletePoignant--sad and tender. A lovely memorial poem. This unrhymed pantoum works so well, and I didn't even realize it was a pantoum at first.
ReplyDeleteYou captured the exact moment of the passenger's tragic end. I don't even know what to say to this. It almost feels perverse for me compliment the brilliant way you constructed this. And it is truly brilliant. I see this calamity unfolding through the power of your words, and wow... just wow...
ReplyDeleteOne experiences the river of fire illuminated by the poetry Grace.
ReplyDeletethis was a touching and raw memorial for those who lost too suddenly, the earth is something they can hold on to in remembrance, we are people made from earth and will feel that belonging. this pantoum is very strong Grace, the lines connect beautifully
ReplyDeleteThe repetition of certain lines gives it a nice rhythm. This could likely have been the block of thoughts rushing in all at once by those on the flight as it crashed. Lovely tribute.
ReplyDeleteAnother tragedy that could have been avoided.. But we ...
ReplyDeleteA beautifully written poem....
peace and love
1ManView
This is certainly a form which can handle the tragedies and loss that we hear too much of. I like the way you take the news about giving relatives some of the charred earth. Very sad and I hadn't heard about that but an important attempt to help people with their loss. The poem echoes this so deeply. Thank you as I feel it helps share and empathise with those suffering more than a news report can.
ReplyDelete