A man with a dark coat waits by station exit, his eyes bright as child holding a red balloon. His face, oiled by sun, is not stiff starched with indifference of everyday commute. The crowd stretches as elastic bands along train tracks. I yawn, hearing the cars floating by on the expressway. I smell coffee, stale bread and dried paint on someone's shoes. The ads above me, blink in blurry lines. Somewhere, I plant a fist of seeds.
against blue washed sky
moon is a white bud blooming
in the melting snow
Posted for D'verse Poets Pub - OpenLinkNight - A haibun for our new host, Bill Webb~ Thanks for the visit ~
This is so lovely. You put me right on that platform, smelling the smells and, in my mind, somewhere else planting those seeds. Love it!
ReplyDeleteIndifference of everyday commute I'm sure most can relate to
ReplyDeleteSomehow when we are at a commute it takes skill to see all those thing.. love the smell of paint on someone's shoes.. I think a haibun is perfect to write those small observations that are specific and general at the same time.
ReplyDeleteplanting fists of seeds... i love this.. and oh the daily commute takes its toll... good to see people that are not stiff starched but still seem to be alive
ReplyDeleteMesmerizing, especially the first two lines, such vivid images.
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing description, indeed sky is moon's playground.
ReplyDeleteLove the fresh feeling of this poem/prose~ Adorable image of moon as bud
ReplyDeleteOooh...I love the haiku at the end of this...opens up such a newness, a fresh start of hope or anticipation of promise.
ReplyDeleteLove me a Haibun; prose emerges golden, poetic, profound, wrapped in a haiku, like paper around a sticky fritter; wonderful, & it pulls our attention & rivets our focus, & after the feast of prose we savor the entree of haiku.
ReplyDeleteLove the traffic floating...exactly! I never thought of it that way but yes! An excellent haibun. In spite of the routine, still alive, still aware, planting seeds and in the snow, a bloom. Lovely, hopeful, insightful. Hayes Spencer is Kanzensakura
ReplyDeleteIt takes real discipline to notice all the details that you have included in this haibun, Grace; it's something I need to develop.
ReplyDeleteYou have really described this scene well, Grace...included so many details that make the scene vivid and rich.
ReplyDeleteDelicious atmospheric writing.
ReplyDelete"Somewhere, I plant a fist of seeds." - lovely.
Anna :o]
I like the combination of prose and a beautiful small poem for the end. >KB
ReplyDeleteA rocky terrain.. a city is.. for sprouting young seeds through cement way...
ReplyDeleteA lovely day for sweaty tear drops.. of living soil.. that rarely grows.. alive and green..
What a painting you portray!
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing how much life is present when we observe even a very small piece of our world. Excellent visuals from this. I especially love the haiku. :)
ReplyDeleteReally amazing Grace like I was reading a book.and I would love read the next scene!!
ReplyDeletexo
Very visual, fabulous imagery... love the planting of the seeds and the moon as white bud...
ReplyDeleteAmazing! and so full of life.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! :)
Noice juxtapostions here, Grace - telling work... With Best Wishes
ReplyDeleteNice - the two parts gel together..I have always thought of trying, but never been able to pen one.
ReplyDeletebeautiful... what w wonderful moment
ReplyDeleteThe moon on the last bit of snow can be a softer, more embracing sunlight.
ReplyDeleteReally lovely!
ReplyDeleteA brilliant picture not easily seen painted here Grace!
ReplyDeleteHank
You've caught exactly that disjointed feeling of dislocation when the clocks change. It takes a while to get back to normal.
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ReplyDeleteWonderful capture of the time spent before (and after) work when we allow our sensory perceptions to override the stress of productive thought. Lovely haiku.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautifully visceral poem - loved the description of the man and the elastic crowd, the sights and smells - and the final haiku - lovely in its simplicity
ReplyDeleteI think we "plant fists of seed" with poetry...enjoyed this :)
ReplyDeleteLovely imagery, Grace :)
ReplyDeleteEarly March mornings are promising :)
Like the moon as a blossoming bud. Great descriptions in the prose section.
ReplyDeleteI love the transition from the prose into the haiku:
ReplyDelete"Somewhere, I plant a fist of seeds.
against blue washed sky"
Beautiful scene you drew here!
ReplyDelete~Prajakta
Claudia,
ReplyDeleteOne of my daughters make it a point to see the fading moon at dawn whenever she can…
What a lovely haibun - my favorite form.
I was rather pleasantly surprised to see it here, woven so preciously.
No wonder I am surprised! It is Grace's blog. This is what happens when you try to blog with a headache…
ReplyDeleteHi Grace! Whatever I said above still applies :-)
love the bud in the melting snow
ReplyDeleteSometimes, commutes can be really so annoying & stressing, but most of the times it's like this & almost always interesting & entertaining. Lovely capture, Grace! smiles.
ReplyDelete- ksm
A wonderful halibun . . . beautifully drawn - the vivid contrasts, impassioned and moving!
ReplyDeleteI almost wish i slept long enough to miss that hour, but alas...
ReplyDeletea vignette quite visible....
ReplyDeleteperfect ~
ReplyDelete