I bring sage clouds
You scatter dust
Under moon shroud
Drawn by gravity
We ignite heat
birthing stars, milky pink
Seeds worm to trees
Creeks nurse oceans
My fingers stitch silver dress
You soak coffee cherries
This was the plan
But reality is, our words
Collided in needles and brine,
mismatched signals from old phone line
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Oh I sense that disconnect between people who really want to do their best.... is it distance or just that we cannot see beyond the self? Love the last dark image of needles and brine.
ReplyDeleteTrying to stay as one but having something lingering between can sure be tough at any scene
ReplyDeleteYou say potato... I love this, Grace! I particularly like the lines:
ReplyDelete'My fingers stitch silver dress
You soak coffee cherries'
and
'But reality is, our words
Collided in needles and brine,
mismatched signals from old phone line'.
..."the reality is our words collided in needles and brine, mismatched signals from old phone line". Fond memories of a missed connection? Evocative lines!
ReplyDeleteI love this especially "the reality is our words collided in needles and brine, mismatched signals from old phone line." Beautifully poignant.
ReplyDeleteI feel for the disconnect. XX
ReplyDelete"seeds worm to trees
ReplyDeletecreeks nurse oceans" - i love the movement in this couplet, the unexpected twist of it.
Although the number and length of the lines are quite different from a sonnet, there is a sonnet-like feel to this, perhaps because of that 'turn'from This was our plan but...
ReplyDeleteseeds worming to trees is a lovely vivid image!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant use of conflict built in both images and sounds of the words used. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteAges-old theme of mismatched miscommunication written with fresh phrases...good one, Grace.
ReplyDeleteThe last two stanzas really bring it home. Wonderful work, Grace!
ReplyDeleteSo much said in so few lines; something you have mastered so well. The rhyme scheme is creative & not distracting, the message inc clarion. Miscommunication was the culprit in my first two marriages.
ReplyDeleteThis is everything I need: "You soak coffee cherries"
ReplyDelete"This was the plan
ReplyDeleteBut reality is, our words
Collided in needles and brine,
mismatched signals from old phone line"
Economy of words provided an abundance of emotional tension. Truly masterful.
This poem is something special. I'm feeling it. "Seeds worm to trees, Creeks nurse oceans," so good.
ReplyDeleteAmazing how attraction can turn to friction. Felt the emotion in this. Something you do well at.
ReplyDeleteSuch images then the realization and to take us in.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful poem of missed connections, misunderstood conversations. I love the last two lines - Gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteOuch--needles and brine! A beautifully woven poem.
ReplyDeleteSage clouds - what a great bit of imagery and symbolism!
ReplyDeleteWhoa!
ReplyDeleteZQ
Ah, when that plan doesn't go along the expected lines, we realize the distinguishing and disconnecting factors. This is so beautifully penned - the images say it all, from moon shroud and silver dress to needles and brine - well crafted.
ReplyDelete-HA
I think the format of this was based on the first poem by Carol Ann Duffy. The disconnect is evident in almost any given conversation.
ReplyDeleteLovely, Grace... this mismatched life we live with our 'significant' others....the back and forth of this is captivating. Lady Nyo
ReplyDeleteWonderful snatches of evocative metaphors that build to that powerful close. Brilliant writing!
ReplyDelete"...We ignite heat / birthing stars, milky pink...". Really beautiful!
ReplyDeleteCollided in needles and brine,
ReplyDeletemismatched signals from old phone line
Amazing how conversations can turn out cold on some!
Hank
Beautiful images and sound.
ReplyDeleteI liked this phrase: "Creeks nurse oceans" And it seems to go with seeds growing into trees.
ReplyDeleteSuch a delightful piece, each line elevates the other. Greetings!
ReplyDelete