Thursday, August 20, 2015

Echoes

late summer-
your face is a candle, fading
in echoes of raindrops 

Narcissus & Echo - by John William Waterhouse


Upon pool of water, I gaze 
Daze
Your face, a perfect moon
Swoon
Swaddled of brightest starlight 
Light

Enchanted, I say, Hello?
           Woe
I swear to your beauty, delicate as snow
           No
I will bestow  
           No
All my strength and devotion
           Delusion 
Why do you shun my presence?
           Vengeance
Are not my smiles charming?
           Boring
Are not my words persuasive?
           Repulsive 
Please let me stay here
           Where?
At your feet, where my devotion lies 
           Lies 
You are my muse, your name echoes
           Gallows
Within me, dulcet
           Horseshit
Until I know that you love
           Rust 
Me, I will deeply grieve    
           Freeze
Do you believe me?
           Leave me
You are breaking me, I will die.  
           Bye.



Posted for D'verse Poets Pub - OpenLinkNight Hosted by Bjorn
& Late entry for Echo Verse hosted by Mary
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29 comments:

  1. MaryAugust 20, 2015 at 12:56 PM

    Oh, this is absolutely wonderful, Grace! Loved the conversation. Really would like to hear this one performed by a duo. Your playful echoes worked perfectly, and some of them really made me laugh aloud!

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  2. Sherry Blue SkyAugust 20, 2015 at 1:27 PM

    This is powerful, and I love the narrator realizing the delusion she or he is laboring under. Especially enjoyed the "Horseshit." LOL.

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  3. ClaudiaAugust 20, 2015 at 1:42 PM

    ok the horseshit made me laugh out loud - ha... cool convo indeed here and a cool take on the echo poem...still have to write mine

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  4. BlogorattiAugust 20, 2015 at 2:06 PM

    The images gives the poem a new meaning, well thought and vivid piece I mus say.

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  5. brudbergAugust 20, 2015 at 2:10 PM

    First the haiku is a wonderful complement dialogue which is sad and hilarious at the same time.. The persuasive repulsive pair made me smile though.

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  6. XAugust 20, 2015 at 2:14 PM

    hahaha. You made me snort with horseshit. Been a while since I have seen horseshit in a poem. Lol. The second or echo voice in this is rather callous, but I wonder if it is much truer than we would be comfortable being.

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  7. Glenn ButtkusAugust 20, 2015 at 3:13 PM

    Like the infamous F-word, other fine bits of the vernacular can spice up, ground poetics. This is a masterful Echo-poem, combined with the strong haiku. Most of us writing the echo form included some levity; you did not disappoint.

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  8. MiskyAugust 20, 2015 at 3:23 PM

    A very well crafted piece. Enjoyed reading this.

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  9. GabriellaAugust 20, 2015 at 3:25 PM

    You certainly made me smile too, Grace. This is a clever use of the form.

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  10. mrs mediocrityAugust 20, 2015 at 3:26 PM

    This is just fabulous, you left me with a smile on my face. I hadn't felt up to the echo challenge, but if I had imagined a perfect rendition, it would be this. Love.

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  11. Mon.EspritAugust 20, 2015 at 3:43 PM

    Ah you finally picked up last week's form - nice. I found the form very interesting too. A nice, rhyme conversation - enjoyed it.

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  12. AnonymousAugust 20, 2015 at 4:01 PM

    Now THIS is an awesome echo poem. Brilliant spin, integrating Echo/Narcissus into the poem.

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  13. Gloria BakerAugust 20, 2015 at 4:03 PM

    beautiful Grace and love images:)

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  14. AnotherFearlessYear.netAugust 20, 2015 at 4:03 PM

    Oh my! That is one mean-spirited echo. Nice use of this form for an engaging story/conversation. Peace, Linda

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  15. tonispencerAugust 20, 2015 at 4:15 PM

    The beginning haiku is stunning. The rest of the poem uses the echo most wonderfully. You do this form much good.

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  16. Sanaa RizviAugust 20, 2015 at 4:47 PM

    This is one brilliantly crafted echo verse poem :D
    Beautifully executed.

    Lots of love,
    Sanaa

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  17. VictoriaAugust 20, 2015 at 4:52 PM

    There is so much to think about in this myth and it lends itself well to the echo form but I have to confess...my favorite echo was horseshit! Too perfect. I'm smiling.

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  18. KBAugust 20, 2015 at 5:46 PM

    I liked the longer lines and felt the single words in between halted the flow of what they were saying. The single words didn't seem to connect with one another in any way to make a message. I admire the choice to break into something new. I realize it is an echo but it doesn't quite work that way to push the poem along. Smiles...>KB

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  19. Pat HattAugust 20, 2015 at 7:01 PM

    lol the horseshit did it for me. A good return indeed haha

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  20. Sumana RoyAugust 21, 2015 at 12:01 AM

    such an enjoyable echo verse Grace...very well crafted, as always...

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  21. BeateAugust 21, 2015 at 3:38 AM

    This is very deep, beautiful and powerful. An amazing poem to that amazing picture!
    Have a wonderful weekend, Grace.

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  22. kaykualaAugust 21, 2015 at 6:51 AM

    The echoes come in staccato bursts. Keeps one glued to the offering Grace! Beautiful write!

    Hank

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  23. Katie Mia FrederickAugust 21, 2015 at 4:14 PM

    Ah.. yes.. eye
    says so
    much
    more
    than
    I..:)

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  24. UnknownAugust 21, 2015 at 7:19 PM

    Outstanding!! I love how the echoes answered each line with bittersweet hatred... and great haiku - very peaceful.

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  25. UnknownAugust 21, 2015 at 10:11 PM

    Oh yes! This was perfectly executed. Such a pleasure to read!

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  26. AnonymousAugust 22, 2015 at 12:31 AM

    nice take on the echo prompt. I really wanted to write to that prompt, but couldn't come up with anything. You did brilliantly!

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  27. C.C.August 22, 2015 at 1:23 PM

    Love the starting haiku as a stand alone or as a starter to the echo poem and I really like that you did not write "Echo" on every echo line of your poem (YAY!!)....enjoyed the banter in that, including the 'horseshit'..haha :-)

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  28. AnonymousAugust 22, 2015 at 5:05 PM

    I am nuts over this part:

    "your name echoes
    Gallows
    Within me, dulcet"

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  29. grapelingAugust 23, 2015 at 2:33 AM

    Grace! Marvelous ~

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