Thursday, March 29, 2018

I hear birdsongs





Grey clouds cover morning sky
Palest of white, misting eyes
Searching for seeds & spring buds
We walk slow on greasy mud


~0~0~


She is thin, pared to the bones
Her voice, faint as ghost's whisper
I wish she sees sun-licked blooms
Outside room,  waving at her





Posted for dVerse Poets - Tanaga Poetry form, hosted by Frank Hubeny.   This form has 4 lines, with 7 syllables per line.  Thanks for your visit.  

22 comments:

  1. If she could see the blooms she might feel better. I like how they are waving at her.

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  2. I love the second one in particular... so hard when you have aged to the point you can only watch the bloom from inside

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  3. I can feel your urge to let fly with this one, Grace and let the words out of their chains :)

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  4. In the first tanaga, there is a hint of fading strength in the grey clouds, misting eyes and the slow walk on greasy mud. The second stanza is such a stark portrait: 'pared to the bones' and her voice 'faint as ghost's whisper'. I do hope she got to see the flowers bloom, Grace.

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  5. Excellent designing of the form for full impact!

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  6. They are both opposites. I'm glad you let us see the happy one first. The second is quite stark. You have heightened our anticipation. The second has more impact that way

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  7. Traipsing through mud isn't grand, hopefully a little bloom is on the way.

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  8. That searching for spring, for hope--and I hope she sees it, too.

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  9. I love the pared to the bone image. Cut by pain. Diminished by age.

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  10. I love both of these...although maybe they are one poem. I wish I could take her some.

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  11. Sun-licked blooms! How wonderful!

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  12. "Palest of white, misting eyes" evokes a beautiful, peaceful shade. We like to think vibrancy to celebrate spring, but this hue is also what I see, creating a dreamy pastel and nourishing moisture.

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  13. I get the sense of a bird that has lost her way.. in actuality and figuratively. I like the tone of this...some loss, some hope, some despair......

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  14. Nice. I liked "sun-licked bloom" and the tone of both poems.

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  15. Her voice, faint as ghost's whisper
    I wish she sees sun-licked blooms
    Outside room, waving at her

    Yes, the blooms can well inspire her from the gloom!

    Hank

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  16. It sounds so sad and wistful. It sounds like end of days.

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  17. I feel the surface of sadness and pain here as you reveal a layer so gently.

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  18. The second one is as it should be if "she" is winter. i wonder if seasonal changes were introduced to show mankind what true slow agonizing death is?

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  19. Expecially like the changes in mood here....within the first one, the last line takes me from morning thoughtfulness to a chuckle. And the second one is so very different....and paints such an image...that sadness of someone we love aging, and slowly leaving us.

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  20. The second stanza makes me sad. It's sad but beautiful.

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