Thursday, August 20, 2015

Echoes

late summer-
your face is a candle, fading
in echoes of raindrops 



Narcissus & Echo - by John William Waterhouse


Upon pool of water, I gaze 
Daze
Your face, a perfect moon
Swoon
Swaddled of brightest starlight 
Light

Enchanted, I say, Hello?
           Woe
I swear to your beauty, delicate as snow
           No
I will bestow  
           No
All my strength and devotion
           Delusion 
Why do you shun my presence?
           Vengeance
Are not my smiles charming?
           Boring
Are not my words persuasive?
           Repulsive 
Please let me stay here
           Where?
At your feet, where my devotion lies 
           Lies 
You are my muse, your name echoes
           Gallows
Within me, dulcet
           Horseshit
Until I know that you love
           Rust 
Me, I will deeply grieve    
           Freeze
Do you believe me?
           Leave me
You are breaking me, I will die.  
           Bye.



Posted for D'verse Poets Pub - OpenLinkNight Hosted by Bjorn
& Late entry for Echo Verse hosted by Mary

29 comments:

  1. Oh, this is absolutely wonderful, Grace! Loved the conversation. Really would like to hear this one performed by a duo. Your playful echoes worked perfectly, and some of them really made me laugh aloud!

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  2. This is powerful, and I love the narrator realizing the delusion she or he is laboring under. Especially enjoyed the "Horseshit." LOL.

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  3. ok the horseshit made me laugh out loud - ha... cool convo indeed here and a cool take on the echo poem...still have to write mine

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  4. The images gives the poem a new meaning, well thought and vivid piece I mus say.

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  5. First the haiku is a wonderful complement dialogue which is sad and hilarious at the same time.. The persuasive repulsive pair made me smile though.

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  6. hahaha. You made me snort with horseshit. Been a while since I have seen horseshit in a poem. Lol. The second or echo voice in this is rather callous, but I wonder if it is much truer than we would be comfortable being.

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  7. Like the infamous F-word, other fine bits of the vernacular can spice up, ground poetics. This is a masterful Echo-poem, combined with the strong haiku. Most of us writing the echo form included some levity; you did not disappoint.

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  8. A very well crafted piece. Enjoyed reading this.

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  9. You certainly made me smile too, Grace. This is a clever use of the form.

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  10. This is just fabulous, you left me with a smile on my face. I hadn't felt up to the echo challenge, but if I had imagined a perfect rendition, it would be this. Love.

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  11. Ah you finally picked up last week's form - nice. I found the form very interesting too. A nice, rhyme conversation - enjoyed it.

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  12. Now THIS is an awesome echo poem. Brilliant spin, integrating Echo/Narcissus into the poem.

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  13. beautiful Grace and love images:)

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  14. Oh my! That is one mean-spirited echo. Nice use of this form for an engaging story/conversation. Peace, Linda

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  15. The beginning haiku is stunning. The rest of the poem uses the echo most wonderfully. You do this form much good.

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  16. This is one brilliantly crafted echo verse poem :D
    Beautifully executed.

    Lots of love,
    Sanaa

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  17. There is so much to think about in this myth and it lends itself well to the echo form but I have to confess...my favorite echo was horseshit! Too perfect. I'm smiling.

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  18. I liked the longer lines and felt the single words in between halted the flow of what they were saying. The single words didn't seem to connect with one another in any way to make a message. I admire the choice to break into something new. I realize it is an echo but it doesn't quite work that way to push the poem along. Smiles...>KB

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  19. lol the horseshit did it for me. A good return indeed haha

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  20. such an enjoyable echo verse Grace...very well crafted, as always...

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  21. This is very deep, beautiful and powerful. An amazing poem to that amazing picture!
    Have a wonderful weekend, Grace.

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  22. The echoes come in staccato bursts. Keeps one glued to the offering Grace! Beautiful write!

    Hank

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  23. Ah.. yes.. eye
    says so
    much
    more
    than
    I..:)

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  24. Outstanding!! I love how the echoes answered each line with bittersweet hatred... and great haiku - very peaceful.

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  25. Oh yes! This was perfectly executed. Such a pleasure to read!

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  26. nice take on the echo prompt. I really wanted to write to that prompt, but couldn't come up with anything. You did brilliantly!

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  27. Love the starting haiku as a stand alone or as a starter to the echo poem and I really like that you did not write "Echo" on every echo line of your poem (YAY!!)....enjoyed the banter in that, including the 'horseshit'..haha :-)

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  28. I am nuts over this part:

    "your name echoes
    Gallows
    Within me, dulcet"

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