"Everyday in every way I’m getting better and better" - Emile Coue
Thursday, May 23, 2019
Better than I am
Red lights at the distance flickers smoky flame
I inhale deeply - sunset's hues - dying flame
I swallow my pills & the last of my drink
as music echoes, I drift, waning flame
Moonlight gleams on my ordinary face
Anxieties mothballing, snaring flame
I might look better if you dim down lights
To candle tap, softer flowering flame
There are nights I despair, fretting in shame
But you give me hope, fierce as warrior's flame
My dreams bring me wading out to the sea
Weaving a storm, my hands are birthing flames
You gaze at me with grace & breathless awe
Here I am, better than I am - divining flames
Posted for Dverse Poets Pub - Poetry form - Ghazal, hosted by Gay Cannon. This poetry form will be discussed in detail when the pub doors open at 3pm EST. This form follows the traditional ghazal (an edited version) and I will attempt to write a contemporary one in the coming days. Mr. Linky is open for 1 month.
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This is such a harsh judgement of self... but still think that it's so common that we are left to be affirmed by someone else...
ReplyDeleteToo often we leave ourselves to be validated by another instead of having faith in ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI love all the references to light in this ghazal, Grace: the red lights, sunset, all the different flames strengthen its glow. I especially like the ‘Anxieties mothballing’ and the lines:
ReplyDelete‘My dreams bring me wading out to the sea
Weaving a storm, my hands are birthing flames’.
Sure lit that fire
ReplyDeleteSometimes when first we fall in love, I think there is a lack of any confidence or sureness in how to go about it. The emotion of love does indeed light up parts of our brain and our body and we take small steps shyly toward the realization of love. This poem is an interesting take on falling in love I haven't read before.
ReplyDeleteMost poems are about leaping in with no preparedness. Well done.
This truly captures those emotions and insecurities we experience when we fall in love. Bravo Grace!
ReplyDeleteThis was beautiful in its uncertainty, and bold vulnerability Björn - Excellent!
ReplyDeleteSo sotty Grace, I thought I had linked to Björn’s site. - but my what I expressed is genuine...
ReplyDeleteVulnerable and tender.
ReplyDeleteWeaving a storm, my hands are birthing flames - is so evocative and strong an image.
ReplyDeleteThis aches of humility.
ReplyDeleteAH! You word it so well — this need for an acknowledgment and affirmation from the beloved — all these flames are of such different hues and warmth. The vulnerability is beautiful, especially in this couplet:
ReplyDelete"I might look better if you dim down lights
To candle tap, softer flowering flame"
There are nights I despair, fretting in shame
ReplyDeleteBut you give me hope, fierce as warrior's flame
My dreams bring me wading out to the sea
Weaving a storm, my hands are birthing flames
such powerful imagery. I like this poem very much, the repetition gives intensity, and the story of the relationship is very moving.
Like many others, you snagged me at /weaving a storm, my hjands are birthing flames/. Your honesty and introspection is refreshing.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, when I read the description of this form, I thought I'll give it a miss....couldn't see a poem in it....but you do it so well...there's an honesty here that sometimes disappears in these verse forms..really like this one!
ReplyDeleteI really like all the repetitions of flame, and particularly the last verse that you weave your name into.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful how the flame of love can burn away our insecurities...I like the gaze of grace :)
ReplyDeleteFortunately our lovers see us more favourably than we do ourselves. I love the picture you paint of sunset by the sea.
ReplyDelete"weaving a storm, my hands are birthing flames"--wonderful image. And I like the way you incorporated your name.
ReplyDeleteAmazing glimpse of transformation - humane & magical at once! 😊
ReplyDeleteI love the different flames entwined with light and the total vulnerability ..
ReplyDeleteLove how each repetition of "flame" gave a slightly different meaning to the word.
ReplyDeleteOh, a flame is so influenced by all that is around it!
ReplyDeleteA beautiful poem Grace! I love how your self assessment winds through the poem and the support your receive in the process.
ReplyDeleteA humility in here (as opposed to shame) I appreciate.
ReplyDeleteI like that the setting takes place during sunset as the certainty of daylight yields to the uncertainty of nightfall, mirroring the speaker's uncertainty before reassurance of the loved one... anxieties are laid bare and banished by pleasant company... lovely poem with great visuals.
ReplyDeleteI love the way you use flame and it is such an intense and ghazal like motif too. Yes there is a harshness in the way we judge ourselves and do not love ourselves. A modern take for the ghazal but I like divining flames at the end that lifts this back into our spiritual needs.
ReplyDelete