If you should leave, don't make it on Sunday
When I'm baking chicken topped with butter-
Not on Friday, when I'm eager to come
home from work, drooping eyelids, aching thumbs-
Monday might be a good day, when my mind
dwells on unfinished work, like a sour rind -
Thinking of pay cheque by Thursday, time flies
like a beggar, as I file & refile -
Instead, pack your bags on Tuesday after-
noon, when I'm drunk with paints, pens & verses-
Hands sag like autumn leaves, forehead sweaty -
Outside, neglected plants sniffle on wet
Tissues, the lone tree snaps like rubber band -
I won't noticed that you are gone - as planned -
Posted for: Imaginary Garden with Real Toads - Poem in 14 lines
and Poets United
Updated: This poem has been selected as Poem of the week - Thank you ~
This made me smile and also made me sad.. No day is a good day for a loved one to leave...
ReplyDeleteGreat work on the form and the idea.. love it!
Thank you Mixi ~
DeleteLiked the structure and imagery you used. Felt like a sad poem but really well written.
ReplyDeleteThanks David, this was fun to do though ~
Deletenice...make it tuesday...the neglected plants in this tell a story themselves....cant think of a day i would want a loved one to leave...evocative close as well with the tree snap...nice grace
ReplyDeleteTuesdays it is ~ Thanks Brian ~
Deleteomy! you amazing me always Grace, what a lot of thing in your mind and your heart!!:)
ReplyDeleteThank you Gloria ~
DeleteOh my .... your poem made me sigh .. in sadness .. also with a sense of contentment because it's so beautifully composed. Fourteen lines never read better.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the lovely words Helen ~
DeleteUnbelievably brilliant, Grace. The most important thing about a 14 line poem - call it sonnet if you will - is the sense of progression through an argument and a definite completion at the end. You have achieved this in a manner that appears to be effortless. I love how each couplet rolls from day to day, and the whole poem has the feeling of a classic, while coming across as fresh and innovative.
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking up the challenge and giving me the satisfaction of an amazing read.
Thank you for the encouraging words and prompt Kerry ~ I felt I have come a long way ~ Smiles ~
DeleteI really enjoyed this and felt very at home as I read it brilliantly done
ReplyDeleteThank you Emma ~
DeleteStaggering innovation of phrase and sequencing. And I too don't know whether to smile or cry :-)
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written! I felt the sadness, but then the feeling of coming to terms with the inevitable.
ReplyDeleteWow...Grace...I just love this as the progression unfolds and so much is told of your character's life in so few lines. Really very intriguing and well balanced!
ReplyDeletehaha that was fun and yeah can't interrupt your dVerse fun. So leave away we'll you are consumed with the day.
ReplyDeleteReally nice use of the challenge. Each couplet had it's own richness.
ReplyDeleteNice. Surely left mine in the dirt.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this. Ha, it doesn't sound like she really wants him to leave. I loved the mention of all of the activities on different days. I think this poem would be a great performance peace, Grace.
ReplyDeleteI really feel that there is comfort in knowing what will come, in this piece, but a rather morose feeling in wondering if it has happened over and over again. I love the drunken writer/artist reality.
ReplyDeleteHope you are well.
This is mindblowing ... I just loved it, specially these lines:
ReplyDelete"Instead, pack your bags on Tuesday after-
noon, when I'm drunk with paints, pens & verses- "
loved the longing and passion in this
ReplyDeleteGrace oddly strange set of notes. I liked them very much though I think any day someone wants to leave is the right day, for me at least. You know I'd hate to be a boor and what not.
ReplyDeleteFunny enough, this inspiration came from my sister-in-law who didn't have the courage to face and leave her then-hubby with 3 children in tow. She did it in stages, and one work day, just did it ~
DeleteI can just see someone sitting down thinking when it would be a good time for their love to leave them. What a unique slant and excellent writting.
ReplyDeletelove loss longing...all welded into such perfect melancholy harmony.
ReplyDeleteLove the imagery here as always Grace :)
ReplyDeleteAmazing Grace...
ReplyDeleteYOU tossed so many sweet n' sour moments.
I love the way you approached this!
Well Done
:D
Beautiful mix of emotions in this.
ReplyDeleteYes, indeed... Tuesday we're all delving into the fine poetry at dVerse!
ReplyDeleteLovely and sad... when is the perfect day for your loved one to leave... as planned? Well done.
ReplyDeleteA wonderful sonnet, Grace, I can relate,,all leavings are difficult,hard to choose the day,,,
ReplyDeleteI hate the thought of a hurtful leaving. Love the way you softened it, Grace.
ReplyDeleteThis brought me back to the memory of the constant comings and goings of a spouse on multiple business trips. I would say, no don't leave on ......whatever day the trip was scheduled, always with my own good reasons to delay the inevitable. There is a subtle humor in your poem that captures my own experience. Luckily, he always returned.
ReplyDeleteyeah, i love this, Grace! wow!
ReplyDeletei don't know if this reference will mean anything to you, but it's a big compliment... i felt like i was hearing "every day i write the book" by elvis costello as the soundtrack to this. it's just so clever. i mean your poem, like his song. super-clever, wistful, melancholy. just wonderful.
Thanks for the big compliment Marian ~ Very much appreciated ~
DeleteLike this verymuch, Heaven--it has the progression Kerry mentions, as each couplet takes us a bit further into the characters and their story--with a bittersweet feel, and a little stab at the end.
ReplyDeleteI love this! It is very well written and emotion filled.
ReplyDeleteMcGuffy's Reader
http://www.mcguffysreader.blogspot.com
oh that last line is killer!
ReplyDeleteWhen one is organized others have to follow suit and fall into place. This happens if they need to relate to us. Wonderful take Grace!
ReplyDeleteHank
What an original perspective on a "leaving" poem.........I love the way the week unfurled...........wonderfully written!
ReplyDeleteThis is outstanding, Grace! Beautiful work!
ReplyDelete...tough when someone has to leave... love the so many ways of stopping a planned departure... find it cute Grace... smiles...
ReplyDeleteBeautiful...I was somewhat stirred by the spell of this poem. Very well penned!
ReplyDeleteAww..you never want your loved ones to leave ..so many emotions entwined in your poem...
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful piece of writing Grace, very evovative. Sitting here thinking about the words, I am reminded of a song from the movie Camelot (with Vanessa Redgrave & Richard Harris), "If ever I Would Leave You" and they sing through the seasons...that story had a different ending!
ReplyDeleteWow, Grace. I didn't think this the least bit funny, but intense and true in consideration of what might be inevitable. A very strong write, packed with emotion and details.
ReplyDeleteLetting go has never been so beautiful!
ReplyDeleteSad but true. People actually do think of which day would be best to say goodbye...
ReplyDeleteOriginal take on leaving. Beautiful, sad, and funny.
ReplyDeleteThat's just beautiful.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful piece, Grace. I found the link through Poets United's FB page. :-)
ReplyDelete