Thursday, September 6, 2018

(i) click




my eyes dream of tea cups
with cranberry spice,
goji berries and red dates

as subway train zips and thuds
with familiarity along
wheels, bumps, skids, tracks

city stations are chimes of bells
as tunnel doors click, clack
and announcements reel, pause

no more do i fret, shudder
or tarry but sleep through all the
chatter and clutter of train commute

outside, the sun sets off
in raspberry and orange hues
our daily departures, green-timed

by swiping of shiny cards
cocooned in our pockets-
{silence yawns...stretches 2 secs} 

boom !!!!  blast of sounds zoom in,     i   
walk outside the station
where raindrops are murmuring 
                                                      {shush}
                       


Posted for dVerse Poets Pub - OpenLinkNight - Playing with sounds - Onomatopoeia
Thanks for the visit.            Picture credit:   Here



25 comments:

  1. The sounds of a commuter train ... and the slow a awakening to a the rush of cities... love the sounds and the intensity in the end. Reminds me of Rhapsody in blue as depicted in Fantasia.

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  2. Nice way of describing the sunset as "the sun sets off"

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  3. Delicious word-smithing; really feel like I'm sitting alongside you. I never lived in a city with subway system, but have visited a few. Love this poem.

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  4. The cranberry spice, goji berries and red dates made my sore mouth water, how delicious, Grace!And then suddenly I was transported to a subway train - I like the effective use of verbs in that stanza - plenty of action and at top speed.I also enjoyed the sound effects and the vivid colours!

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  5. I love the sounds in your commute Grace, especially 'city stations are chimes of bells as tunnel doors click, clack and announcements reel, pause'- it brings back happy memories from the London Underground :o) xxx

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  6. I've never ridden in a subway, or even a train, so I took voyeuristic pleasure in your description. Come to think of it, I've never heard of a goji berry either. Am I the girl in the bubble?

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  7. an incredible onomatopoeic journey and it took such an unpredictable direction from its opening - so creative Grace

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  8. I like this noisy, colourful poem that ends in hush.

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  9. The sounds are very effective for creating the scene, but I particularly like the infusion of colours and fruit, countering the mechanical.

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  10. I like the sounds in your piece!

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  11. A beautiful journey in surround sounds tastes and beautiful colours, soothed by the welcome [shush}.
    Yummy write!
    Anna :o]

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  12. Sure can change with a bang depending on where you begin and end and begin again

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  13. Very nice use of Onomatopoeia. I can hear the subway screeching and bumping to a halt!

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  14. I do like the sounds in this. Most of all like the sound of hush as the rain begins to fall. From noisy to quite - what an amazing ride

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  15. Love the "sounds" here and the finish of raindrops murmuring.

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  16. The narrative and the descriptions are wonderful.

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  17. The colors of the sunset in the food, the "shush" when the ride is over...you took me there, Grace.

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  18. So deliciously moody! I was right there with you!

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  19. i am a lover of trains and public transportation as weird as that sounds it gives me a connect with life, you gave me much joy reading this, as the sounds bounced off my head and heart

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  20. The colors, flavors, and sounds "click" with your autumn scene!

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  21. Beautiful Grace. I can see you settled in on your travel and all the sites and sounds that accompany you.

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  22. Teacups to bells to doors, I love all these sounds, and the orange and red hues. And the slumber they lulled you into.

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  23. There's something so soothing about trains. You've captured the serene feeling very well.

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  24. You took me along with you. The tea looks good! I would be afraid i would sleep past my station.

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  25. I can picture myself in this train ride - being in one is, for me, the best time to get lost in my thoughts while outwardly looking at the passing scenery.

    Have a great week, Grace. :-)

    ~Imelda

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Thank you for your comments and visit. I appreciate them ~