"Everyday in every way I’m getting better and better" - Emile Coue
Monday, February 26, 2018
Muted colors
the undertow of the water
heaves, curling my chest in brine
nerves of pain slices through me
as if escaping a firestorm
outside, the sun stumbles behind
muted clouds, scribbling jagged lines
my forehead
burning in sweat
a soliloquoy of uncertainty disturbs
thin air
Posted for dVerse Poets Pub - Quadrille, a post of 44 words. The selected word is Burn. Thanks for hosting Victoria Slotto. Please join us when the pub doors open at 3pm EST.
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The sun stumbling on muted clouds is such a perfect way to describe a day like that.
ReplyDeleteThese lines really grabbed my attention:
ReplyDelete"outside, the sun stumbles behind
muted clouds, scribbling jagged lines"
and the poem, as a whole, grabs the emotion of all that you may be feeling at the moment. Such and evocative use of nature.
"outside, the sun stumbles behind
ReplyDeletemuted clouds" so evocative of a certain kind of day. The last two lines burn...
You've really captured the moment in this Quadrille, Grace. I could feel the undertow of the water and the nerves of pain. My favourite lines are:
ReplyDelete'...the sun stumbles behind
muted clouds, scribbling jagged lines'.
There's so much tension in every stanza and the effect at the close of the poem is so much unease and suspense. It makes me think of what some people have to live through daily, in war-torn and/or occupied countries. Great poem.
ReplyDeleteI'm fascinated with the title "muted colors" in relationship to the poem itself. The undertow, the brine, the slices of pain, stumbling sun, muted clouds, scribbling, sweaty forehead...and the thin air of uncertainty....no brightness here. The words themselves become the undertow for me....to an uncomfortable and frightening place of aloneness. Oh my....my thoughts just run with this piece!
ReplyDeleteThis distressed image is so vivid. Even the sun stumbles! Good one😊
ReplyDeleteOh how I have missed your eloquent and profound pen. Such depth here Grace. Welcome back x
ReplyDeleteThis is so understated- my favourite bit is this- a soliloquoy of uncertainty disturbs
ReplyDeletethin air........ XXXX
the sun stumbles behind
ReplyDeletemuted clouds, scribbling jagged lines
love this image. It made me think of the visual effect of migraines, very disturbing.
I can imagine how a "soliloquoy of uncertainty" can feel like escaping a firestorm.
ReplyDeleteSure sounds like a storm has come
ReplyDeleteevocative images, that establish that "soliloquoy of uncertainty" in us! Wonderful write, Grace!
ReplyDeleteA fevered tumult of pain and isolation. Great imagery!
ReplyDeleteEveryone has hit on the great lines. I like the formatting of your quadrille... in waves. (At least that's how I saw it.)
ReplyDeleteThe sililoqy of uncertainty adds an air of mystery and an ominous flare to the last verse
ReplyDeleteWater Beauty Ocean Depth
ReplyDeleteLake Still Clouds Low
Burns
Pain
Numb Escape
Too Afraid
WiLL NoW
ALLowS LiVinG MoRE
LoVinG DisTaNT CoMES AGAiNoW..:)
Felt my breath change as I read your poem.
ReplyDeleteOohh I love that last line!
ReplyDelete"Curling my chest in brine"! I just told someone that I was going to die of jealousy that I didn't write that line. I won't though, because then what would I do when I hit "soliloquies of uncertainty"? I'll just be glad that you wrote the lines and I got the chance to read them.
ReplyDeletethat soliloquy of uncertainty -- beautiful !
ReplyDelete'a soliloquy of uncertainty disturbs thin air'.. this is so potent!
ReplyDeleteThe sense of isolation, pain, tension--and I love this line: "outside, the sun stumbles behind
ReplyDeletemuted clouds, scribbling jagged lines"
"curling my chest in brine" -- really nice!
ReplyDelete"curling my chest in brine" is fantastic.
ReplyDeleteThat third stanza knocked me out! Your use of language and imagery in this is incredible.
ReplyDeleteThis is vividly painful.
ReplyDeleteThis articulates the emotional 'firestorm' that uncertainty rains down upon our psyche as we endeavor to make our way through.
ReplyDelete