Sunday, June 14, 2015

Spring train journals




Photo by Fabien Bravin


He's a loudspeaker, holding back train doors longer than needed 
She hurries in, cool in long black hair wig
Pinned between thick black arms, his oyster
But her smile is faint, pinkly propped as a doll

~0~0~


He is shouting, Espanol, Por favor! along station platform 
Then he marches from one car train to another, a lonely hull of a boat
Crashing against train's whirlwind,  his voice drowns in our ears
Oh, teach us to fish and love


~0~0~


They share a Laura Secord chocolate bar 
Between words tumbling as fire red ants on sugar hill 
I see her collar, skin thickly patched, above blue summer dress 
But he's besotted by her words, caressing his wrist like dragonfly



Posted for Imaginary Garden for Real Toads - Quatrains inspired by Marilyn Chin  and Poets United ~  Thanks for the visit ~

41 comments:

  1. What a beautiful patchwork of colour and image...all falling together perfectly to tell a wonderful story..

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    1. Thanks, they are actually different characters noted in my everyday commute ~

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  2. Patchwork is a great word, as there are several lines that just jump out, and at first you can feel the seem of hte patch but when you read it over and over it all comes into a whole.In the first, the contrast between the colors (the pink and black and whiite, or oyster). The last line in the second one is perfect. and in the last one, caressing the wrist like a dragonfly. Cool writes grace.

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    1. Thank you X ~ I am learning to capture everyday patches of life in my work ~

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  3. First of all, I love when you describe your train rides.. To see those stories in the people that you meet. I love how you have folded Marilyn's words into your own, creating layers. And yes the caress like a dragon fly is actually better than how Marilyn did I think.

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    1. These train rides provide me with lots of characters & inspiration ~ Thanks Bjorn for your kind words ~

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  4. I like the way you have included the poet's words in your own portraits. The train is a great metaphor for life.

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  5. I loved this. I have to say that the oyster clenched in his teeth might be a reference to our very own Oyster card for the London Underground (and the overground, too). Thanks, I really enjoyed your poem.

    Greetings from London.

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  6. These quatrains are absolutely amazing.. :D
    Pure perfection..!

    Lots of love,
    Sanaa

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  7. You really bring the reader along with you. Really cool style Grace.

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  8. I am especially struck by the image of the man in the second quatrain as he 'crashes against train's whirlwind.' Your words bring him to life. Happy Sunday, Grace.

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  9. Each time I use public transport I observe a few scenes to write about. Yours are a delight...I must use the tram more often!

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  10. Oh these are just wonder-full ... reminded me of new novel Girl On The Train..

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  11. Vignettes are visual, linked by train and platform--but they are also emotional: one pinned, one "crashing against train's whirlwind," and another so besotted he doesn't see--or sees more. I spend time on trains when I travel to my folks and love looking into lives like into windows.

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  12. It never occurred to me that you were describing different people ... or that any of this was literal. It creates such an intense, accurate capture of emotions, I think, that what it means on the surface doesn't really matter to me. I can't even pick a favorite line or phrase; this is is flawless and captivating from start to finish. I do really like the black wig. Oh, and the line about the doll. But really, it's just all so very good. Exquisite writing, Grace. There are so few poets I enjoy this much, so I really wish you would all write daily! :)

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  13. everything is full of brightness here gradually captivated by the keen eyes of the watcher...the photo goes so well with the lines...beautiful Grace...

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  14. Catching life in your words. your train is always full of lots of characters to bring to life

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  15. Deep memorable characteristics, more prose than poetry, I feel. Very interesting visual appears...Thanks fop sharing, Grace!

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  16. Great train stories Grace! Each episode is akin to life's struggles. But there is always the minders making things easier! Great write!

    Hank

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  17. I love each story - I normally tweet about the things I saw on the train and hashtag it with #trainlife lol

    The second one is very familiar - you see lots of them on the train

    Hope you have a good week ahead Kabayan

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  18. masterful strokes, your quatrains

    have a lovely Sunday

    much love...

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  19. Love how you seamlessly drew each of Chin's phrases into your beautiful words. Encore!

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  20. Great pictures and characters adrift.
    ZQ

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  21. Cool glimpses of fellow passengers...I especially like the man caressing his wrist like a dragonfly.

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  22. I really enjoyed these Grace...such a vivd imaginative way to describe what is going on around you on your journey...

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  23. Hey Grace--I especially liked the close here--the wonderful way of her words caressed his wrist--very vivid and original. Thanks. k.

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  24. A finely sketched, beautifully and skillfully rendered piece. Awesome imagery (and that Laura Secord chocolate bar sure took me back . . . haven't seen or had one of those, in many years).

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  25. Oh the last one was just wonderful!

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  26. This poem gave me so much joy .....

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  27. I love these observation of yours during these rides. You could write everything under the sun creatively, and somehow you reminded me of Ezra Pound. I like how you used the word "besotted" here. That's actually one of the words I'm frustrated to use about in a poem but so far haven't done anything gone where I can fit the word right. "Teach us to fish & love"---wow.. I really like that turn of phrase. Thanks for the poem, Grace!

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  28. The intimacy of these strangers is a perfect metaphor for a train-poem, fleetingly intense, coming and going with each stanza's separating -0-0-: setting the stage afresh. You nailed the altitude of this perfectly.

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  29. I have given up on crowds and the observation that are always so ready. I don't know why, one day I just stopped going to concerts and 40 years later I just stopped going out. Train berth chapters of peoples lives, always good poetry for the taking Grace.

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  30. I bet that was her favorite dress too :)

    P.S. I almost forgot to include you, but you're in there now...somewhere. You just gotta take a good look.

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  31. Great poem I could see the event like an old black and white movie.

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  32. What scenes you capture here! Intimate yet all played out in public. Fab!

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  33. Chocolate and conversation. Perfect!

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  34. These are each so intense, Grace...they drew me right in...especially the closing one...I love the use of "besotted," not a word one sees often...or at least I haven't seen it lately. Thank you for the challenge!!

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  35. I love these poems plucked from choice phrases of Marilyn Chin. Train ride is my favorite.
    Thanks so much for introducing this wonderful poet!

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  36. love these snippets, Grace. a good weekend and longest day of the year to you ~

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Thank you for your comments and visit. I appreciate them ~