Thursday, January 22, 2015

Umbra

At night, she wakes up caught in red threads, forgetting 
where, who she is, as sky dissolves. 


In the mirror
Two faces of moon stare back
Mercury rises
Flock of geese has arrived
Who bounded her heart to garnet stone? 


The sea swallowed her garden of carnations, tea-
cups, even her words, in one gulp.  



Notes:    There is a form called haibun which is a combination of prose with haiku.             For this writing exercise, I combined American Sentence (20 syllables, structured into two lines instead of one straight line) with Tanka (unstructured with a total of 31  syllables).   

Posted for D'verse Poets Pub - Hosted by Brian Miller ~  We are writing and breaking poetry forms!


Falling Apart by


36 comments:

  1. on one side her dreams - on the other reality... can be so tough if there's a big chasm between those...the sea swallowing her garden and even her words is a tight image grace

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  2. I've actually awoken in the night and had no idea where I was for a split second - kinda scary... the affects of a deep dreamer, I guess... Her reality and fantasy world seem to be intertwined...

    In the mirror
    Two faces of moon stare back... especially loved that

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  3. I so much how you connect the last line of the tanka to the prose of the american sentence.. where the metaphor becomes concrete with the swelling of the sea ... moving from nature to self

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  4. That would be quite thrilling, I think, to look in the mirror and have two faces of the moon looking back. If only.... Smiles.

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  5. American sentences lie with tanka; so very naughty & nice. I, too, decided to break a Haibun, combining Collom Lunes with prose & capping with something original. Thanks to Brian for stirring up such a carnival of responses, a celebration of our imaginative creativity with a nod to the classic forms.

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  6. I find this style sexy and very much appropriate for you, Grace :)

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  7. Definitely created something new, unique to you and beautifully and artistically realized. I think you re-created a mold and yielded a piece of porcelain.

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  8. Hi Grace ... I'd forgotten how much I enjoy reading your work; it's been way too long - entirely my fault. Thanks for this wonderful re-introduction.

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  9. This really works - I think you might be onto a vigorous new form here...
    Umbra means 'shadow' in Romanian (and probably in a lot of other Romance languages) and there is that hint of darkness, mist, twilight or daybreak in your poem.

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  10. nice end line on the tanka, nice turn after a very visual opening, it makes it tangilble...I like this...it allows you to creatively tell a story.....gulp is a fun word as well...it has sound to it...

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  11. I really like this form that you've used because it challenges the writer greatly. I also enjoyed reading the imagery you've presented here because there is good word choice that relates to the image that you've attached, and at the same time you've captured a good reflective piece.

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  12. I like your homemade haibun and think I would quite like to try it one day. I like how you used it to convey her uneasiness and malaise.

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  13. a cool take on the haibun, Grace...and you weave a wonderful surrealistic dreamscape with this!

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  14. Very interesting set up mixing the two, great photo, that is some capture, and your poem is so enjoyable and lovely!

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  15. the photo, the haibun....just amazing

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  16. I love the last lines... beautiful work

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  17. Ooh! Intriguing. I loved that second American sentence.
    -HA

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  18. The mirror sure shows a lot there, two faces of the moon might be a bit trippy haha

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  19. Clever girl. And a very interesting picture to emphasize your words.

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  20. You took this prompt and ran with it...it is a mysterious photo. Your creation is a treat to read

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  21. Dear Grace
    Again, you made a fantastic poem!!!
    The picture and the poem fits so fine....

    Hugs
    JetteMajken

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  22. I love how you broke this form.

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  23. this worked well... a dreamy write

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  24. Oh my, beautiful. What moving imagery.

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  25. This is just gorgeous! I love all the forms you have combined, and the combination works so well I think I must try it too very soon.

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  26. beautiful and haunting images - lovely, Grace

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  27. Your poem is beautifully stirring... masterpiece! Thank you for creating such moving, fluid poetry :)

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  28. I love the idea of creating a haibun out of tanka and American sentences! You have such a cool take on Brian's prompt. You have used your broken form to create a very sensual piece. Very cool.

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  29. "In the mirror / Two faces of moon stare back"---i particularly love these lines, Grace! Smiles...

    - ksm

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  30. Very nicely done! Love your 'breaking'!

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  31. Lost in the world. You Illustrate that beautiflly.

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  32. The mysteries in life. I love how deep this is.

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  33. Amazing as always Grace. Saw your link at Keith's so couldn't resist popping over to say hello and wish you a happy new year! :-) Oh, and I love that photo. Mind blowing!

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Thank you for your comments and visit. I appreciate them ~