"Everyday in every way I’m getting better and better" - Emile Coue
Thursday, January 31, 2019
Coldest Night
Black raven perches on fence, eyes piercing
Through snow-misted air, bill poised for killing-
I mused how many will die, unburied
As howling wind knives the fields, dry, stinging
Our eyes, blue with salt, as we hurried
through burdens & loneliness, stacked, storied-
I don't want to wither in storm's tempest
My hands are fighting life, blood, breath flurried
Posted for dVerse Poets Pub - Poetry form - Rubaiyat, hosted by Frank Hubeny. This is an interlocking rubaiyat - AABA, BBCB. Inspired by seeing a black raven in the garden during our cold winter night.
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You’ve painted a chilling picture, Grace, with the raven’s piercing eyes and ‘bill poised for killing’, and the howling wind.
ReplyDeleteThat winter vortex is like a hurricane of cold. I like the phrase about the wind "kniving" the field.
ReplyDeleteWow! That is amazing! I felt the chill in the air and I wanted to get back indoors. Scared in case I made contact with the Raven's beady eyes! 💕🙂
ReplyDeleteYep, stay indoors is the way. Hate the cold.
ReplyDeleteThese are really stark and cold... goes so well with the sense of death and murder. The cold becomes almost a metaphor for death itself.
ReplyDeleteI thought they work both separately and together like I think they should if you write in Omar K's original style.
Excellent rocking of the prompt. I admire your clever rhyme scheme. The piece brought to mind, BLACKBIRD by Joni Mitchell.
ReplyDeleteThere is something magical about a Raven
ReplyDeleteI think about the raven on the fence when the wind chill is -50F
ReplyDeleteThis coldest night is a killer ...fighting to stay alive.
Nice one Grace
I like your semantic field of knives and blood and death, and the link with coldness. The raven holds it all together.
ReplyDeleteSuch a bitter coldness you describe, Grace. Hope you warm up soon.
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ReplyDeleteThe 7th bird Rubaiyat today ! Wow, what is it?
An English poet wrote about "Rooks" -- also of raven family,
and associated them with death. Must be a winter thing.
I think of Ravens as small , playful, clever and a bit wise.
But your rubaiyat was effective: I felt the cold, the struggle, the threats. Nicely done.
I love the contrast between the first and second stanza. The raven waiting to kill to survive and you trying to survive and not be killed.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully penned Grace, I can hear the howling wind and love the link from flurried breath back to snow ��
ReplyDeleteThis has an engaging dark edge to it. A bit of a sting, like the cold you depict. I really enjoyed the read, though I shivered a bit... :-) I got inspired and wrote two Frost inspired rubaiyat love poems – one dark, one filled with light.
ReplyDeleteThis is brilliant, Grace - love your images of knives and death. Also, it is tempting when so many syllables are required to fill the lines with fluff, but you have managed to keep your lines solidly poetic.
ReplyDeleteVery late to the bar this time :(
ReplyDeleteOh Grace....I am chilled to the bone reading this. And this line
"As howling wind knives the fields, dry, stinging" really cuts the words to become a sound and a feeling!
the eyes blue with salt was very piercing, the coldness very stark and vivid, love the interlocking rubaiyat, it has an exquisite melody
ReplyDeleteYou convey the cold quite well with your words Grace.
ReplyDeleteAll those harsh sounds and the staccato rhythm really reinforce the ominousness.
ReplyDeleteYour consonants in both stanzas are striking - the p's and k's of the first highlight the brutality of weather and nature, while the s's and w's of the second call me to the bursts and stops of wind storms. In a form that can so easily go awkward with rhyme, you've blended them wonderfully.
ReplyDeleteInteresting ideas and unusual rhymes!
ReplyDeleteThe thought of life being "unburied" after death was haunting. I love the image of the wind knifing the fields. The second stanza really speaks to the struggle of the cold. Hope you're staying warm and safe in this horrible weather we've been dealing with.
ReplyDeleteThis is so vivid--the cold, the raven, the wind, but I particularly liked these (more metaphorical) lines: "as we hurried
ReplyDeletethrough burdens & loneliness, stacked, storied-"
Beautiful rhythm, too.
Very crisp images in this - love how you selected your words to fit the tone and feel of the cold.
ReplyDeleteThe sounds reinforce the sharpness of the images.
ReplyDeleteWow! Those last two lines were excellent.
ReplyDeleteThis has so much imagery that hits home the conditions the so many face in such cold weather. All change now?
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