between
sun glare
and
blue haze streaked with
black lava-
you,
maddening thirsty soil-
you,
tang of frost on tilted dust devils-
you,
lost river
with little in it
to love-
Original Text: Land of Little Rain by Mary Austin.
Posted for dVerse Poets Pub - Erasure or Blackout Poetry hosted by Victoria Slotto. Come and join us when pub doors open at 3pm EST. Thanks for the visit.
I love this...right now I'm in the middle of Mary Austin's book. That covers the route I travel between Reno and Palm Desert so it is full of meaning to me. You have culled a lovely poem from her already-poetic book. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteExcellent capture--it all holds together marvelously. I like this a whole lot.
ReplyDeleteThis is FANTASTIC!!! You're dabbling in a bit of magic with the turn in that last line. I wasn't at all expecting that twist.
ReplyDeleteThis is fantastic - the repetition of you really gives strength to the metaphor
ReplyDeleteI don't know the book but your poem has made me thirsty, Grace! I love the lines:
ReplyDelete'lost river
with little in it
to love'.
WOW! From one page....masterful! Especially the two lines for me
ReplyDelete"you,
tang of frost on tilted dust devils-"
I suppose a "lost river" is one that is now dry.
ReplyDeleteI like this lost river but I don't know the book,
ReplyDeleteThat was a great way to do it indeed. At least the river hasn't ran dry
ReplyDeleteI love "the tang of frost on tilted dust devils". Well done!
ReplyDeleteThis is so well done, Grace! I read it a second time moving from left to right, following from the tip of the arrow, if you will, letting the words expand outward and it is a whole different wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI will admit I had to look up Blackout Poetry, in is reminiscent of Burroughs cut and paste but a completely different form.
ReplyDeleteThe last line in both your cut out and the original left me..I don't know, gasping, accused.
Superbly rendered...spitting and colorful!
ReplyDeleteNow that is a lovely little poem. I'm in awe.
ReplyDeleteHi Grace,
ReplyDeleteI like this a lot. Though I am not familiar with the original work. I noticed as I read I kept attaching the 'you' to the lines before. A nice read :).
That's a nicely done erasure poem. You make it look easy
ReplyDeleteThis is perfection.
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I know that I already commented, but I re-read yours again today, and it's still one of my favourites.
ReplyDeleteStunning - a beautiful job with the blackout.
ReplyDeleteYou make it look easy
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ReplyDeleteLovely! especially love "tang of frost on tilted dust devils"
ReplyDelete(sorry trying again. Kayla is my non-poetry name, lol)
You will have to teach me how you did that picture. This was the first one I was going to join in, but didn't because I wanted to include the original text.
ReplyDeleteYou def got something poetic out of it. Especially that middle stanza. It makes for some interesting contrasts and comparisons.