Thursday, June 22, 2017

A joyful celebration



his smile trembled, through pain & tears - Thank you!
to his sister & brother, children and wife
and his last breath, a sigh of gratitude

by hospital bed, they prayed over him, through
early hours, against despairing waves  
as his smile trembled, through pain & tears - Thank you!

his journey with chemotherapy, askew 
frail lungs drowning with water, knifing
breath to be his last, (still) a sigh of gratitude

with family cancer history, he knew   
time's reckoning with younger brother's demise-    
his smile trembled, through pain & tears - Thank you!

beloved family came to visit with no clues
his health was fast deteriorating, wise
till his last breath, we sigh of gratitude

a huge collage stood by his coffin - Adieu! 
a celebration, we'll remember his life,  
his smiles, despite the pain & tears - Thank you!
for his last breath, filled with joy, gratitude



Posted for D'verse Poets Pub - Villanille Form, Hosted by Frank Hubeny ~  This is a 19 line poem with refraining lines.   For my poem, I alter the last lines, to give it a twist so it does not wholly become repetitive.  

About the Villanille Form:  The most striking thing about a villanelle is that it has two refrains (“A1” and “A2”) and two repeating rhymes (“a” and “b”). The first and third line of the opening tercet are repeated alternately as the refrains, until the last stanza, which includes both refrains.

With this, the pattern of the villanelle can be illustrated as as A1bA2 – abA1 – abA2 – abA1 – abA2 – abA1A2 where “a” and “b” are the two rhymes, and the upper case letters (“A1” and “A2”) indicate the refrains.

20 comments:

  1. I like the quiet tone to this death that contrast to Dylan Thomas.... love the small changes you do to the repeated lines.

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  2. I agree with Bjorn, Grace. Thomas's villanelle is quite sombre whereas yours has a comforting lightness to it - the joy of celebration.

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  3. Having done two years of home-visitation hospice, I'm not able to look impartially at poems about death and dying. I think that, like all of life's passages, they are individual as the cliche snowflake. Your poem is well done; a worthy villanelle.

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  4. It is in celebrating life that we allow one to pass to another. This is beautiful.
    I wish I'd thought about changing up the two repetitive lines a bit...I like the variation and flow it provides.

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  5. As any exceptional poet will, I love that you took license and made this form your own by manipulating the lines. We are not cookie cutter wordsmiths, we are flesh and bone people who express the pains of life with such beauty. Brava, Grace!

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  6. It is good when such times are joyful with smiles and gratitude emphasized by the repetition of "thank you". I think you took advantage of the repetition offered by the villanelle form well.

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  8. what beautiful and touched Grace!
    hugs!

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  9. Yes, Grace, per usual our ones were plowing similar veins. I was temped to cry he refrain lines, but opted to not do it; I salute your creative courage.

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  10. Your villanelle is seamless. It is so well constructed one forgets the heavy and strict form behind it.

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  11. This was so touching and I thought the subtle changes to the repetition lines worked great. We would all be so lucky to be remembered in this way.

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  12. Against the tides of pain there's smile, gratitude and joy. Love the tone of calm acceptance throughout the poem. So beautifully put, Grace.

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  13. The joy and gratitude can sure shine through when one has to bid adieu.

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  14. Everything you write is simply beautiful!

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  15. How poignantly beautiful. So much strength and realness in the quiet retelling of complex emotions.

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  16. Beautiful Villanelle Grace! The big C is always a frightening reality

    http://imagery77.blogspot.my/2017/06/ever-remembered-when-one-was-in-nursery.html

    Hank

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  17. Wonderful, heart-felt villanelle!

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  18. A lovely villanelle ... a beautifully rendered piece expressing the cascade of emotions that surround death - including the celebration of a life.

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  19. a dear friend just had her 2nd chemo treatment (this round is 6 months, then double mastectomy, then radiation). she has no living family... so I help out. I don't know if she mouths the words of gratitude you so eloquently pen, but I do know she has the spirit of gratitude within her. ~

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