this kiss, yours - is an unbridled sonnet
tart as wild juniper berries in gin
brimming with seduction & sloppy grin
unpredictable as crashing rocket
who would have guessed, we like chaos & black
not sweet strawberries, but peppery to
roll our tongues in shock, like a strong brew-
we adore brightness & shadows, a stack
of poems. if we cared what they say we are-
not compatible, crazy kids with wheels-
we would not be here, love drunk, twined in teal
in a heartbeat, your eyes are silver stars
you gift me a lush garden of verses:
unrhymed poetry, dance beats, blue metric,
guitar riffs, rocking my world electric-
there's no time to dally in rehearsals
your lyrics unravel me, spilling ink
moon tides, my lungs on fire, i flower pink
Posted for dVerse Poets Pub- MTB with John Donne and his Heroic Sonnet hosted by Bjorn Rudberg.
I reworked some of the lines I wrote here and made this a longer poem, following the sonnet model as requested by Bjorn. Thanks for your comments.
Grace, I sank deeply .. into your poem. Never wanting to leave. How beautiful.
ReplyDeleteOh gosh this is wonderfully passionate and intense writing, Grace! I so love; "your eyes are silver stars."❤️❤️❤️
ReplyDeleteI love the way you used an existing poem and expanded it. To me that is an excellent way. Love the conclusion of the couplet.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written. Well done!
ReplyDeleteOne of your best, Grace. Love every bit of it. It's the lunacy of passion <3
ReplyDeleteFull of sensory language, colours and tastes!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jane--one of your best. So full of sensory delight. A wondrous love sonnet.
ReplyDeleteThis is actually utterly fantastic. You somehow transcended the strictures of the sonnet with enjambment and word play... just amazing, Grace.
ReplyDeleteMuch love,
David
SkepticsKaddish.com
your lyrics unravel me, spilling ink
ReplyDeleteThis is the best line I like :)
I love this poem - would have been interesting to see the original too, I like how people have chosen different rhyme patterns too...
ReplyDeleteI like especially those last two lines.
ReplyDeleteYou used your unique rhyme scheme abba cddc etc.
ReplyDeleteIt worked well. Bravo!!
Much💚love
Such an immersive experience reading this, Grace! A sensory delight, for sure.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, Grace. The ending couplet is perfect!
ReplyDeleteGorgeous. I love how passionate this is.
ReplyDeleteGirl, you are so good.
ReplyDelete"love drunk, twined in teal"
"dance beats, blue metric,
guitar riffs, rocking my world electric-"
Love these.