Thursday, June 15, 2023

june diary: strawberry moon


this kiss, yours -  is an unbridled sonnet

tart as wild juniper berries in gin

brimming with seduction & sloppy grin

unpredictable as crashing rocket 

who would have guessed, we like chaos & black 

not sweet strawberries, but peppery to  

roll our tongues in shock, like a strong brew-

we adore brightness & shadows, a stack

of poems.  if we cared what they say we are-

not compatible, crazy kids with wheels-

we would not be here, love drunk, twined in teal

in a heartbeat, your eyes are silver stars 

you gift me a lush garden of verses: 

unrhymed poetry, dance beats, blue metric,

guitar riffs, rocking my world electric-

there's no time to dally in rehearsals

               

your lyrics unravel me, spilling ink

moon tides, my lungs on fire, i flower pink



Posted for dVerse Poets Pub- MTB with John Donne and his Heroic Sonnet hosted by Bjorn Rudberg.  

I reworked some of the lines I wrote here and made this a longer poem, following the sonnet model as requested by Bjorn.  Thanks for your comments.

16 comments:

  1. Grace, I sank deeply .. into your poem. Never wanting to leave. How beautiful.

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  2. Oh gosh this is wonderfully passionate and intense writing, Grace! I so love; "your eyes are silver stars."❤️❤️❤️

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  3. I love the way you used an existing poem and expanded it. To me that is an excellent way. Love the conclusion of the couplet.

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  4. One of your best, Grace. Love every bit of it. It's the lunacy of passion <3

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  5. Full of sensory language, colours and tastes!

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  6. I agree with Jane--one of your best. So full of sensory delight. A wondrous love sonnet.

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  7. This is actually utterly fantastic. You somehow transcended the strictures of the sonnet with enjambment and word play... just amazing, Grace.

    Much love,
    David
    SkepticsKaddish.com

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  8. your lyrics unravel me, spilling ink

    This is the best line I like :)

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  9. I love this poem - would have been interesting to see the original too, I like how people have chosen different rhyme patterns too...

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  10. I like especially those last two lines.

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  11. You used your unique rhyme scheme abba cddc etc.
    It worked well. Bravo!!

    Much💚love

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  12. Such an immersive experience reading this, Grace! A sensory delight, for sure.

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  13. Beautiful, Grace. The ending couplet is perfect!

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  14. Gorgeous. I love how passionate this is.

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  15. Girl, you are so good.

    "love drunk, twined in teal"

    "dance beats, blue metric,
    guitar riffs, rocking my world electric-"

    Love these.

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