Grace @ Everyday Amazing
Here they come again
Puncturing your chest
With wires
To keep you from drowning
Your eyes are sallow glass
As your heartbeats
Go into an overdrive
Grasping for pure oxygen
I admit
I lie to you
You are doing fine
When you say you cannot
Take it anymore
But your stubborn body
Holds on
For more than 10 years
Defying the doctors who always
Leave you with
Another knot
Another scar
I try to smooth over
So you will talk to me
and listen to my journey
See my knots, still untangled
See my scars, still fresh
But you only hear yourself
Restless
In the couch bed
Insomniac, a depressed butterfly
Graying
The corners of the bedroom
*I wish to God I had made this world, this scurvy
And disastrous place. I
Didn’t, I can’t bear it
Either, I don’t blame you, sleeping down there
Face down in the unbelievable silk of spring,
Muse of black sand,
Alone.
I don’t blame you, I know
The place where you lie.
I admit everything. But look at me.*
Mom is also slipping into the same darkness
Come back to us
Dad with your belly laughter
or I will
Come down to you.
Title and lines are inspired from James Wright ~
Posted for Imaginary Garden with Real Toads - We are getting inspiration from the words of James Wright
and Poets United - Thanks for the visit ~
In our holy book( of Hinduisim) " Bhagwad Geeta" it is mentioned that this world is " mritylok" ( mrityu = death, lok = place) . We all come here to do our karmas and get the punishment or good will of our previous life's karmas too.
ReplyDeleteAs I began this poem I knew it would touch me so deeply, but you have reached my soul and the despair that lingers there because of my father's death...and awakening it is both happy and sad....
ReplyDeleteI don’t blame you, I know
The place where you lie.
I like this so much how you address the poem by James, adding your own voice and blending with his. To live with a selfie muse is really hard.. And I'm glad she talks to you again ;-)
ReplyDeleteWow! Excellent tribute/ with respect to JW
ReplyDeleteZQ
Beautiful Grace!!
ReplyDeleteA very rich, but painful poem, Grace. The truth of life is not easy. I do think sometimes we 'lie' to those who are failing...not because we wish to lie to them perhaps (as I do think THEY know) but because we lie to ourselves because we want to believe (with all our hearts) that they ARE doing fine.
ReplyDeleteWe don't know what we can live through until we have to
ReplyDeleteI like the way you conveyed your pain and interrogations, mixing your words and those of James Wright. It is not easy to see our parents age and grow frail, I agree.
ReplyDeleteWow, Grace. This is a killer piece! So powerful, so moving. It comes from a deep place. You capture how we rush to assauge what cannot really be comforted. The image of the "depressed butterfly, graying the corners of the room" is so vivid and says so much. Brilliantly written. Wow.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful poem Grace.
ReplyDeletei have read this last night but i forgot to comment.
ReplyDeletei reread it again this morning and the picture of the depressed butterfly still haunts me.
especially in our culture, we will always be a part of our family and we are always living witnesses as they age
This is truly heart-rendered, Grace...beautifully emotive and powerful.
ReplyDeleteWe always want to be heard by others, esp. by close ones...~ great expression...and an answer to J.Wright
ReplyDeleteThis reaches into my well of tears where my grief overflows from the loss of my parents. This is so beautiful
ReplyDeleteSomehow we find strength even when we say we cannot take it anymore..somehow we try to make it..
ReplyDeleteI think when "the dying" goes on and on it has the effect of tying everything in knots - even the long ago past is, often, not exempt. An achingly powerful and intense write.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful expression of the pain we oft bear. A fine tribute.
ReplyDeleteAnna
Death is often a greater test for the living than those on the journey there.
ReplyDeleteDeath is Reality -all must face...yet the separation is painful...we know the place...touching loving tribute
ReplyDeletethe image of the greying butterfly is awesome.lovely lines.
ReplyDeleteI so admired the extended metaphor Wright used in the poem To The Muse. Such an original and startling image. You have written a bold response to that piece. Very moving poetry.
ReplyDeletetouching and emotional piece of work!! MERRY CHRISTMAS & A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR:))
ReplyDeleteVery emotional, the pain of extended illness is what I see, and the problems it creates. Well written.
ReplyDeleteOh, this is heartbreaking, Grace. Heartbreaking to watch one go through such "darkness."
ReplyDeletesomething about your voice, Grace - at once darker, but more intimate, deeper, even, on a personal level. peace ~
ReplyDeleteVery sad and human--wonderful. k. (Blogger is not letting comment!) (Manicddaily.)
ReplyDeleteOh Grace, this is heartbreaking. You have conveyed such gut-wrenching emotion and a feeling of helplessness in your poem. I remember my dad being left with:
ReplyDelete'Another knot
Another scar'
and the agony of trying:
'...to smooth over
So you will talk to me
and listen to my journey
See my knots, still untangled
See my scars, still fresh'.
This poem really spoke to me.