Thursday, October 26, 2017

Vermilion












between
sun glare
and
blue haze streaked with
black lava-


you,
maddening thirsty soil-
you,      
tang of frost on tilted dust devils-


you,
lost river
with little in it
to love-




Original Text:  Land of Little Rain by Mary Austin.








Posted for dVerse Poets Pub - Erasure or Blackout Poetry hosted by Victoria Slotto. Come and join us when pub doors open at 3pm EST.  Thanks for the visit.

24 comments:

  1. I love this...right now I'm in the middle of Mary Austin's book. That covers the route I travel between Reno and Palm Desert so it is full of meaning to me. You have culled a lovely poem from her already-poetic book. Thank you.

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  2. Excellent capture--it all holds together marvelously. I like this a whole lot.

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  3. This is FANTASTIC!!! You're dabbling in a bit of magic with the turn in that last line. I wasn't at all expecting that twist.

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  4. This is fantastic - the repetition of you really gives strength to the metaphor

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  5. I don't know the book but your poem has made me thirsty, Grace! I love the lines:
    'lost river
    with little in it
    to love'.

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  6. WOW! From one page....masterful! Especially the two lines for me
    "you,
    tang of frost on tilted dust devils-"

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  7. I suppose a "lost river" is one that is now dry.

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  8. I like this lost river but I don't know the book,

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  9. That was a great way to do it indeed. At least the river hasn't ran dry

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  10. I love "the tang of frost on tilted dust devils". Well done!

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  11. This is so well done, Grace! I read it a second time moving from left to right, following from the tip of the arrow, if you will, letting the words expand outward and it is a whole different wonderful.

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  12. I will admit I had to look up Blackout Poetry, in is reminiscent of Burroughs cut and paste but a completely different form.

    The last line in both your cut out and the original left me..I don't know, gasping, accused.

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  13. Superbly rendered...spitting and colorful!

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  14. Now that is a lovely little poem. I'm in awe.

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  15. Hi Grace,
    I like this a lot. Though I am not familiar with the original work. I noticed as I read I kept attaching the 'you' to the lines before. A nice read :).

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  16. That's a nicely done erasure poem. You make it look easy

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  18. I know that I already commented, but I re-read yours again today, and it's still one of my favourites.

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  19. Stunning - a beautiful job with the blackout.

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  20. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  21. Lovely! especially love "tang of frost on tilted dust devils"
    (sorry trying again. Kayla is my non-poetry name, lol)

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  22. You will have to teach me how you did that picture. This was the first one I was going to join in, but didn't because I wanted to include the original text.

    You def got something poetic out of it. Especially that middle stanza. It makes for some interesting contrasts and comparisons.

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