the stigmata of waiting

i sit where i have been
sitting for the last 2 weeks

in the ICU
visitor's chair, a hard & unyielding stone

you are on the hospital bed
pricked, tubes on your veins, only your lips
are silently moving in prayer

a nurse breezes in, with pills & monitor 
& I lift my head to see
if some flicking light has changed your eyes
or your limbs moved /heartbeat/

but you are so still
broken doll
as if all the words & winds in your lungs have left
as if your spine is soft clay
as your pale hands clutches a rosary
& gold banner of faith, a gift from a friend  

a reminder that the sun is pelting sunshine
outside of this curtained sterile room
i keep watch
... of nothing really ...
just keeping time until our mom comes back
from the bank & grocery shopping  

i eat 
my doubts inwardly
because I know you have been weeping
& ranting about the last month of your confinement

there is heavy sound
at the pit of my belly, wailing
of anguish, crying of missed diagnoses,
seeds of hopelessness grow despite my words

of encouragement to you
we both know that every day is folding fast
into shadows, frightening to utter:
road of no return
i pray for mercy
unthinkable ending & begin-
ning, in whatever form this may be

(i am sorry
i have to leave soon)

mom arrives, carrying 
your pain & sacrifices
so proudly, she is light you turn to
every time death 
checks in at night



February 2018.   This poem has been in my draft but I finally finished and published this for our 8th anniversary celebration.  A sad story but after 1 month of my sister's death in April, my first grandson was born.  Life goes on.


Posted for dVerse Poetics, 8th anniversary celebration with our special guest host, Brian Miller at 3pm EST.   He tells us to capture a moment in our verse.   

Happy anniversary!!!  Thank you for your visit and comments.