Thursday, November 30, 2017

hiccups along the trail



she sits
                    on the margins
                    of herself

                    listening

                    to creak of wrist bones
                    to beat knuckling her knees

                                       whispered wants of her tongue
                                       pearl studs of dancing shoes

                    waiting

                    simmering thoughts in teapot
                    and letting it steep

                                         through her  s k i n
                                         along    s p i n e

                    trail of veins   
                    between lungs of doubts   

                    finally, it's time   


to build a house
of her belongings                    

   

Posted for dVerse OpenLinkNight, where I am hosting, starting at 3pm EST.   
This poem was inspired from reading David Whyte's House of Belonging
Thanks for the visit.

35 comments:

  1. she sits on the margins
    of herself

    goes in the book of killer opening lines grace. you had me hooked from the beginning. Love what you did with spacing here too allowing the space to work for you and giving the poem room to breathe.

    I can feel the build of that want- and cool close. As a writer, I felt this might be an author ready to put a book together.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the lovely compliments. But I (still) feel very green beside seasoned poets like yourself. Still learning ha~

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    2. I am just a man with a notebook
      who up til two months ago
      hadnt written anything in over 2 years.

      Lot of rust to knock off.
      And never
      never
      discount your talent.

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    3. Thanks for your support, as always. I believe you, smiles!

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  2. I agree with X here... the opening is absolutely fantastic, I love the thought of (re)building yourself so many occasion that can fit.

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  3. I love this Grace. The margins of oneself suggest a witnessing. Very powerful.

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  4. margins of herself and thoughts simmering in a teapot.. great images!

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  5. I like the way the shape of the poem reflects the title, Grace - a windy trail with a few hiccups!
    I love the lines: 'she sits on the margins of herself';
    'whispered wants of her tongue';
    and 'finally, it's time to build a house of her belongings'.

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  6. The poet as observer of herself. I like the image.

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  7. I love the opening line and the spacing you used, it feels as if there are exciting times ahead :o) xxx

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  8. Yes, a winner here, poet as critic and deconstructionist. I, too, love to split up my lines and let the line breaks and words decorate the page, adding visual movement and rhythm to the poetics.

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  9. Sure a great opening line indeed. Having to build one's self back up can be a task.

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  10. Simple and effective. I like the use of layout and the ending.

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  11. Sitting on the margins of herself" is a real mind-blower." Wish I'd written that! The photo, also, is very moving. If that is your photo may I use it respectfully some time?

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    1. Hello Nan! There is no photo with my post, smiles. Thank you for the comment.

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  12. From sitting on her margins to building herself....every word was sublime.

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  13. Sitting on the margins of herself--wonderful!

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  14. "trail of veins / between lungs of doubts" Okay, so I'm the odd poet out. The opening hooked me. But the wrists / knees, and this couplet caught my attention... even while you had it. The form is wonderful. Hopefully easier to attain than in WB. Great poeting!

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  15. Such a clever piece - and the layout across the page - as if all of this occurred in that moment between sitting and starting. Thanks also for the link to David Whyte's poem (though I prefer yours - sharper, more concise).

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  16. Incredible piece, Grace.

    I love this line: "to beat knuckling her knees"

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  17. I like the idea of building a house for yourself within.

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  18. Wonderful Words Grace, I (nicely) envy your skill.
    Anna :o]

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  19. "Sits, Waiting, for the time...." I like what you did here. Nice rhythmn.

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  20. Wow. It's rare to know oneself as well as 'she' does here. "Lungs of doubt" used with every breath, yet still, on she forges.

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  21. I like the ideas of whispered wants and building a house of one's belongings.

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  22. So many ways to read the backstory in this--someone who has been in an abusive relationship, a young person escaping home...Beautifully written, Grace.

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  23. Love David Whyte so much. You really picked that up. The ending was perfect.

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  24. Hmmmmm, interesting. I had never heard of David Whyte and just read the poem this is based on. I really enjoyed his especially because, his style is conversational and thus less of a mosaic of broken images and guesses at what the author is trying to say. Thanks for the link -- I will read more of him. Your phrases were fun and ending enjoyable, as was Whyte's.

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    1. His style is unique, and hopefully so is mine. I was inspired by this theme, more than his style. Thanks Sabio~

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  25. listening

                        to creak of wrist bones
                        to beat knuckling her knees

                                           "whispered wants of her tongue
                                           pearl studs of dancing shoes"

    so sensual and immediate! Great write, Grace!

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  26. Hi Grace

    I'm with X and the others ~

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  27. Fabulous lines ... my sense is that this is a woman on the cusp ... of action. Liked the form you gave this.

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    ReplyDelete

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