Thursday, September 4, 2014

Working at city's hub



we keep our faces blank as we ride the subway train.   i call it the herd mentality posture: heads and shoulders slumped meekly, hands and feet curled inwardly, waiting for the next stop.   books, magazines, music and even sketching pad entertains us, makes the waiting bearable.   one time, i saw a young woman knitting a pink doily.   she had a passionate look on her face, engrossed with her loops & needle.  there is an unwritten rule on the metal walls - don't stare too long or too brazenly at each other, even when one is talking to himself.   be courteous even during mayhem.   i listen to train speaker, apologizing every 5 minutes due to the delay in the train schedule.


crouching low
dusk turns my spine to cat shadow
trying to slip out


beneath the veneer of clothes and city work, what lies beneath our skin?  what words i wonder would brim forth our lips, outside of weather conversation?   when i went to the dentist the other day, he asked me if i was biting my tongue as there are marks on both sides.   i tell him, maybe when i am sleeping. 

watching fire in your hands
desire leaps from me, an arrow
bent at the tailspin



Crouching Woman


Posted for D'verse Poets Pub - Thanks for the visit ~

42 comments:

  1. What a perfect haibun, where the senryu's provide that deeper meaning the the observations on a train ride... and what a well chosen sculpture...

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  2. ha. nice turn at the dentist...bringing a rather random bit in...but it ties in as well in all the things we might say if we could or were not bent to following along....excellent last short verse as well....

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  3. such an engaging write up...I never tried a haibun and you make it so interesting and inviting...thoughts and image used here are so well connected...well crafted Grace...

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  4. MOST enjoyable read. Cannot critique b/c I don't know how! But I love that "...arrow bent at the tailspin"
    All happening during an evening commute--home!

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  5. Very interesting, and so very true, remarks about traveling on a subway train. The unwritten rules seem to be the same wherever we might be. Great use of the haibun form, Grace!

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  6. love how this was penned. the stoicism mandated in the context of the environment, train subway or bus yet that last verse of ...catching fire in your hands/desire leaps from me/an arrow bent at the tailspin.

    lovely, 'grace-fully' written

    gracias, mi amiga

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  7. Very true, when we ride public transportation we all maintain those blank faces. It seems to be an unwritten rule. I enjoyed your haibun, Grace.

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  8. Stare off into la la land on the subway or bus or train or plane lol

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  9. it is an interesting atmosphere on subways and buses...just today i rode the tram into the city and i love watching people...yeah...but don't stare to long at someone...even when you're sketching them... sunglasses help..just saying...smiles

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  10. Love!
    Even at the dentist the narrator "proves" the poem's herd mentality. Though we are privileged to know her inner thoughts and intense poetry, the dentist will not. And there is little time to talk, littler to listen in the "city's hub."
    Perfect statue.
    I must, again, keep a poem of yours that I feel is genius telling truths through the microscope of poetry. Bravo.

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  11. Love the biting tongue reference and the description of the herd mentality, you have it down perfectly.

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  12. Self deprecation secondary to self preservation; love the poem, the haibun is a cool form. Besides subways, train & buses, there are those awkward short rides in elevators, staring at the ceiling, your hands, or the floor.

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  13. I absolutely love the drama in this and the intertwinning of poetry and prose. Made me remember those days long ago, when I rode the subway to and from school in N.Y. At times I did long to break the rules and talk to strangers.

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  14. I love the random bits of info you put in here... it all ties together as the poetry of life...

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  15. Hey Grace . . . for some reason your posts never come through on my email just show up when I check my blog post page. Some weird glitch that I can't figure out. Would you mind sending me your email address to dychedesigns@hotmail.com. Thanks Kathryn x

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  16. Riding along with you as you point out the everyday in such an arresting way. Yet you also have that heartfelt "Grace" touch to it. Loved!

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  17. You're imagination brings poetry together the meaning of life.

    This blew me away...very creative.

    Excellent!

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  18. i am raised in a small town..and connections are everywhere where one goes..even me at 5 years old or so..the town grows larger..and soon to be a city..the connections go away..the eyes turn away..

    and i dance..i dance...

    to connect again...

    i won't give up..

    i remember what is to be

    human being...true..in a dance of life where people
    dance with each other..
    too.

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  19. I wonder why it is we don't make eye contact when on a subway? I know whenever, I am on one I just sort of look out the window as I watch the tunnel walls fly by..waiting for the sign to tell me it is time. You have captured so much with your words. I enjoy it when you use this form a bit of storytelling followed by a tightly wrapped verse.

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  20. It's the same as when in an elevator...where do you put your eyes? But at least that is usually a brief encounter. You make some interesting observations here, Grace...with your very engaging writing.

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  21. Excellent work - weaving the free verse with the haibuns which capture the tension you describe and in Rodin's work. The curiosity suppressed, the enclosures self imposed. Generally I'm chatty when I get a chance to ride on a subway (it's always a big adventure). I'm riding escalators, sitting with people talking about trees and gardens and why the windows are all bricked up. I am a case. People look at me as though I'd never been in a city before. Well I'm a little more introspective in New York but just a little. Loved this.

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  22. A wonderfully rich haibun......you take us on the commute home.......to the dentist and beyond......I especially love "dusk turns my spine to cat shadow...."

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  23. Sounds so good!"( BTW I have the same in my tongue Im sure is when I sleep OMY)
    xo

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  24. Wonderful. And what a great location to 'film' your words in! You re-ignited my passion for haibun, I must say. So much atmosphere in this piece.

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  25. biting our tongue - such a good metaphor for how we refrain from contact - maybe our circle can just doesn't have room for more than a few.

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  26. so liked how you captured this scene... how's that job going, new wasn't it

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  27. First and third stanzas are great commentaries of how we present ourselves - and the other two are how we really are so tightly wound. "the biting the tongue" stanza really is a great balance to the "train" stanza. Well done!

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  28. This is simply great - Grace. One of my favourites.

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  29. loved the way you have crafted this one..wonderful Grace:)

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  30. Excellent. Beautifully crafted. I agree, one of your best.

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  31. I'm no poet, Grace, but I found this completely lovely. I was right there on the train...I'd be writing in my head.

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  32. So right for the image - I like this very much.

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  33. Hiya Grace, I always look forward to the artful sensuality on your work - in this context, Rodin was a gift to you, for sure - reckon you two would have got along fine... x

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  34. A perfect haibun, maybe I am inspired to try one soon. A daily commute, no parking hassles, good metaphors, really makes you think.

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  35. Your haibun is beautiful. I agree with Bjorn - the little poem enriched the first part of your piece dramatically. Also, it was a perfect complement to the sculpture that you chose. :-)

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  36. Amazing turn of phrase here, loved the combinations, though have to say my favorite was the first italicized stanza--dusk turns my spine to cat shadow-- I can almost feel the transformation! Brilliant :-)

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  37. very nice haibun. And how true that we would rather hide within ourselves, rather than strike up a conversation with our fellow travellers...

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  38. Though provoking haibun. I remember many years ago, decades really, as a fresh face country girl I rode the train into the city with my city cousin.
    I smiled and greeted a few, until my cousin hushed me and told me that that just wasn't done.
    A few years passed and I rode the train in trance-like silence like every one else. I lasted 5 years in the city before returning to more rural regions.

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  39. poignant slice of life and a terrific senryu ~

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  40. WOW! Grace, this is outstanding. You have great powers of observation,
    and the talent to translate what you have seen.

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