Saturday, February 23, 2013

Notes before leaving



                                                                                        © Isadora Gruye



If you should leave, don't make it on Sunday
       When I'm baking chicken topped with butter-  

Not on Friday, when I'm eager to come
       home from work, drooping eyelids, aching thumbs-

Monday might be a good day, when my mind
       dwells on unfinished work, like a sour rind - 

Thinking of pay cheque by Thursday, time flies
       like a beggar, as I file & refile -    

Instead, pack your bags on Tuesday after-
       noon, when I'm drunk with paints, pens & verses- 

Hands sag like autumn leaves,  forehead sweaty - 
       Outside, neglected plants sniffle on wet

Tissues, the lone tree snaps like rubber band - 
       I won't noticed that you are gone - as planned -




Posted for:   Imaginary Garden with Real Toads - Poem in 14 lines
and Poets United  

Updated:   This poem has been selected as Poem of the week - Thank you ~

54 comments:

  1. This made me smile and also made me sad.. No day is a good day for a loved one to leave...

    Great work on the form and the idea.. love it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Liked the structure and imagery you used. Felt like a sad poem but really well written.

    ReplyDelete
  3. nice...make it tuesday...the neglected plants in this tell a story themselves....cant think of a day i would want a loved one to leave...evocative close as well with the tree snap...nice grace

    ReplyDelete
  4. omy! you amazing me always Grace, what a lot of thing in your mind and your heart!!:)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh my .... your poem made me sigh .. in sadness .. also with a sense of contentment because it's so beautifully composed. Fourteen lines never read better.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Unbelievably brilliant, Grace. The most important thing about a 14 line poem - call it sonnet if you will - is the sense of progression through an argument and a definite completion at the end. You have achieved this in a manner that appears to be effortless. I love how each couplet rolls from day to day, and the whole poem has the feeling of a classic, while coming across as fresh and innovative.

    Thank you for taking up the challenge and giving me the satisfaction of an amazing read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the encouraging words and prompt Kerry ~ I felt I have come a long way ~ Smiles ~

      Delete
  7. I really enjoyed this and felt very at home as I read it brilliantly done

    ReplyDelete
  8. Staggering innovation of phrase and sequencing. And I too don't know whether to smile or cry :-)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Beautifully written! I felt the sadness, but then the feeling of coming to terms with the inevitable.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wow...Grace...I just love this as the progression unfolds and so much is told of your character's life in so few lines. Really very intriguing and well balanced!

    ReplyDelete
  11. haha that was fun and yeah can't interrupt your dVerse fun. So leave away we'll you are consumed with the day.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Really nice use of the challenge. Each couplet had it's own richness.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Nice. Surely left mine in the dirt.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I really enjoyed this. Ha, it doesn't sound like she really wants him to leave. I loved the mention of all of the activities on different days. I think this poem would be a great performance peace, Grace.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I really feel that there is comfort in knowing what will come, in this piece, but a rather morose feeling in wondering if it has happened over and over again. I love the drunken writer/artist reality.

    Hope you are well.

    ReplyDelete
  16. This is mindblowing ... I just loved it, specially these lines:

    "Instead, pack your bags on Tuesday after-
    noon, when I'm drunk with paints, pens & verses- "

    ReplyDelete
  17. loved the longing and passion in this

    ReplyDelete
  18. Grace oddly strange set of notes. I liked them very much though I think any day someone wants to leave is the right day, for me at least. You know I'd hate to be a boor and what not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Funny enough, this inspiration came from my sister-in-law who didn't have the courage to face and leave her then-hubby with 3 children in tow. She did it in stages, and one work day, just did it ~

      Delete
  19. I can just see someone sitting down thinking when it would be a good time for their love to leave them. What a unique slant and excellent writting.

    ReplyDelete
  20. love loss longing...all welded into such perfect melancholy harmony.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Amazing Grace...
    YOU tossed so many sweet n' sour moments.
    I love the way you approached this!
    Well Done
    :D

    ReplyDelete
  22. Yes, indeed... Tuesday we're all delving into the fine poetry at dVerse!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Lovely and sad... when is the perfect day for your loved one to leave... as planned? Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  24. A wonderful sonnet, Grace, I can relate,,all leavings are difficult,hard to choose the day,,,

    ReplyDelete
  25. I hate the thought of a hurtful leaving. Love the way you softened it, Grace.

    ReplyDelete
  26. This brought me back to the memory of the constant comings and goings of a spouse on multiple business trips. I would say, no don't leave on ......whatever day the trip was scheduled, always with my own good reasons to delay the inevitable. There is a subtle humor in your poem that captures my own experience. Luckily, he always returned.

    ReplyDelete
  27. yeah, i love this, Grace! wow!
    i don't know if this reference will mean anything to you, but it's a big compliment... i felt like i was hearing "every day i write the book" by elvis costello as the soundtrack to this. it's just so clever. i mean your poem, like his song. super-clever, wistful, melancholy. just wonderful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the big compliment Marian ~ Very much appreciated ~

      Delete
  28. Like this verymuch, Heaven--it has the progression Kerry mentions, as each couplet takes us a bit further into the characters and their story--with a bittersweet feel, and a little stab at the end.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I love this! It is very well written and emotion filled.
    McGuffy's Reader
    http://www.mcguffysreader.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  30. When one is organized others have to follow suit and fall into place. This happens if they need to relate to us. Wonderful take Grace!

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
  31. What an original perspective on a "leaving" poem.........I love the way the week unfurled...........wonderfully written!

    ReplyDelete
  32. This is outstanding, Grace! Beautiful work!

    ReplyDelete
  33. ...tough when someone has to leave... love the so many ways of stopping a planned departure... find it cute Grace... smiles...

    ReplyDelete
  34. Beautiful...I was somewhat stirred by the spell of this poem. Very well penned!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Aww..you never want your loved ones to leave ..so many emotions entwined in your poem...

    ReplyDelete
  36. Such a beautiful piece of writing Grace, very evovative. Sitting here thinking about the words, I am reminded of a song from the movie Camelot (with Vanessa Redgrave & Richard Harris), "If ever I Would Leave You" and they sing through the seasons...that story had a different ending!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Wow, Grace. I didn't think this the least bit funny, but intense and true in consideration of what might be inevitable. A very strong write, packed with emotion and details.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Letting go has never been so beautiful!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Sad but true. People actually do think of which day would be best to say goodbye...

    ReplyDelete
  40. Original take on leaving. Beautiful, sad, and funny.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Beautiful piece, Grace. I found the link through Poets United's FB page. :-)

    ReplyDelete

I try my best to reciprocate comments and visits.
I allow anonymous comments if you have difficulty posting them. Thank you & have a good day!!!