Thursday, January 17, 2013

Fear

Grace @ Everyday Amazing




The old city burns
All through the day and night
From weight of roads – paved with asphalt, sin-tarred,
Trapped-silt from black tires pressing at every turn.
Inhale the heat and fumes.   Exhale the lake’s leftovers.  

Under the haloed street lights
Buildings squat like sumo wrestlers
Around the manicured garden, littered with plastic cups
Stained of coffee.   Your fear tinders like Last Rites.
To be squished like cigarette butts.  To be forgotten like a leaf.  



Posted for Imaginary Garden with Real Toads - Talking about the Hard Stuff - in 75 words
and D'verse Poets Pub - Form for All - Weave by David James

50 comments:

  1. Like the sumo wrestler take on the buildings, can picture the city crumbling down all across town.

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    1. Thank you Pat ~ I must admit the sumo image came to me very quickly ~

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  2. dang...this has some cool grit to it...love your opening...exhale the lakes leftovers was a cool line as well...the buildings squating like sumo wrestlers....love the creative imagery....like, like, like...

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    1. Thanks Brian ~ Maybe I should put the like, like, like buttons ? ~ Smiles ~

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  3. I like that one manicured garden. It held hope for me. Well done! As always, thank you!

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    1. Thank you Elsie ~ Appreciate your visit ~

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  4. Your cityscape is just as evocative as your nature pieces. I enjoyed this, Grace.

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    1. Thank you Kerry ~ Though its a challenge to capture the citylife ~

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  5. For me .. 'sin tarred and fear tinders like last rites' stand out in this really amazing poem.

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    1. Thank you Helen ~ I appreciate the visit ~

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  6. I agree with Kerry. You definitely can do 'city.' (And what a fine 'weave.')

    These are my favorite lines:

    Your fear tinders like Last Rites.
    To be squished like cigarette butts. To be forgotten like a leaf.

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    1. Thank you Mary ~ I think writing about things outside of one's normal topics stretches and gives you a different voice ~

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  7. "Around the manicured garden, littered with plastic cups
    Stained of coffee. Your fear tinders like Last Rites.
    To be squished like cigarette butts. To be forgotten like a leaf."

    beautiful poetry.

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  8. Hi, Grace, I just wanted to let you know that you are the winner of the lucky draw on Real Toads' Sunday Challenge. Kim has sent you an email in regards to your prize of one of her artworks. Congratulations.

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  9. love the sumo wrestlers and manicured garden...oh and the fear...palpable...

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  10. You do a great job conveying anxiety in the city through. I could feel it, smell it. Nice work, Grace.

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  11. You did great with the form, Grace... I especially like the buildings as sumo wrestlers...

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  12. I loved your sumo wrestlers image. Nicely done weave.

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  13. Grace:
    You've nailed the form. Hopefully, you found that it forced/caused you to examine new and different images in the writing. I like the ending, especially.

    David James

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    1. I am specially thrilled that you liked the poem David ~ Thanks so much for your lovely form ~ I must use it some other time ~

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  14. I LOVE

    "Buildings squat like sumo wrestlers."

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  15. A great two stanza WEAVE. So deft - I love the imagery, the "burning" images throughout and the way the subject weaves as well as the form. Totally rocked it, Grace!

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    1. Thank you for introducing his form to us Gay ~ Very interesting challenge for today ~

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  16. Very cool blog. Interesting posts. ;)
    Nice atmosphere guests with you here on the blog. ;]
    Yours. Have a nice day. !

    Follow me on facebook fanpage
    I'm very concerned about this, please. :)
    https://www.facebook.com/pages/In-another-light/413836138693856

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  17. This is a very impressive piece of writing. I felt it and I did not like what I felt (that is not an insult ;))

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  18. Loved especially the triple whammy of similes that finished this like three boxing blows leading to knockout :-)

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  19. The imagery contained in this piece is just so evocative of our urban landscape and completely hides the weave form it is written in. Now for a question: If you were to continue to a third stanza, how would you to rhyme wrestlers?

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    1. Ha..ha..that is why I stopped but I did think of antlers (hung up on wall) ~ Smiles ~

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  20. Stark images, enjoyable read. The first stanza was especially powerful.

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  21. Interesting images you created. Yes, surely like life. Please have a good Friday.

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  22. This is great...love buildings squatting like sumo wrestlers...you really nailed this prompt... in awe!

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  23. "Your fear tinders like Last Rites."
    sharp goodness, like a word razor.

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  24. Powerful = I especially like the sumo wrestler line - a wonderful comparison - and your use of the weave is super subtle but creates a quiet music. k.

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  25. awesome poem- love how the buildings squat like sumo wrestlers and the 'lake's leftovers'.

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  26. Good to see beauty and cleverness rolled into one.

    Buildings squat like sumo wrestlers - particularly impressive.

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  27. Grace, this is so powerful! To be forgotten like a leaf would be something to fear!

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  28. do like the wrestlers around the gardens... smiles... what a visual that brings

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  29. Powerful imagery with perfectly selected metaphors. Just stunning.

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  30. This is wonderful. The imagery is vivid, and your similes are quite powerful.

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  31. ..Grace, this was really wonderful to read... Enjoyed your attempt at this form... it fits you well...smiles ....

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  32. i really like: "Exhale the lake’s leftovers." wow.

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  33. "sin-tarred" Why so I love this so much?

    The imagery of the sumo wrestling buildings was perfect. I look at the monolithic structures around me and can't help but picture it.

    "Your fear tinders like Last Rites.
    To be squished like cigarette butts. To be forgotten like a leaf."

    Good stuff there.

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  34. i love the building squats like sumo wrestlers

    quantum kisses

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  35. "The old city burns"

    fabulous opening line!

    have a wonderful weekend, Grace!

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  36. you definitely weaved a spell with this piece. the imagery was stunning. I felt a bit crushed like the cigarette at the end—to be forgotten stung.

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  37. I'm glad you saw this leaf, did not forget it and was inspired to write this poem! :)

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Thank you for your comments and visit. I appreciate them ~