Monday, October 8, 2012

Two sijo poems: Autumn

Grace @ Everyday Amazing - at our backyard

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heart of me - ashen purple - fell from the sky, spiral plunge. 
the ground swelled as autumn burst into fire and licked my wounds. 
i slow die -  when forgiveness comes short - on bed of leaves, a black stone. 

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sharpest blade - but oh so cold -  
strongest wind, none can break me.
but my will, calm acceptance  
to let go, and fall gently. 
pale snowflake - into arms of lover - 
    moist brown as earth, warm cider.      


Posted for: OpenLinkNight of  Imaginary Garden with Real Toads (Monday) 
and D'verse Poets Pub (Tuesday)

Poetry form:  This is a more developed form of tristich (poem in three lines) called Sijo[pronounced see-szo], which is the Korean cousin of Tanka and Haiku.  

Lines 1 and 2 are written in four phrases of syllables counted as follows: 3 - 4 || 3 - 4 with a major pause at the end of the line (i.e. no enjambment) and a total of 14 syllables per line.


Line 3 is also written in four phrases of syllables counted: 3 - 6 || 4 - 3 to a total of 16 syllables.

Some leeway is allowed within this structure but the end result should be between 44 and 46 syllables.

45 comments:

  1. Interesting images, but the breaks make for choppy reading in English language, I think. No idea how they'd work in the Korean tongue, of course...

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    1. Thanks for the feedback...I think its my way of counting the syllables ~ Will see about editing it ~

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  2. I loved these and I am unfamiliar with the form so thank you for providing the explanation--The first one in particular struck me

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    1. A challenge to try new forms ~ Thanks for the lovely words and visit ~

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  3. "I slow die - when forgiveness comes short". What a great line! Loved this, which captures the leaf's journey: "calm acceptance, to let go". Wonderful work!

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    1. Thanks Sherry ~ Hope you have a nice Thanksgiving ~

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  4. Oh, Grace. I absolutely love these:

    "heart of me - ashen purple - fell from the sky, spiral plunge"
    "i slow die"
    "on bed of leaves, a black stone"

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    1. Thanks for the lovely words and visit ~

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  5. Not sure i'm crazy for this form, but it does present good imagery in the short lines.
    Almost reads shakespearean
    ~rick

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  6. I love Fall is my favorite season and love this Grace:) Have a nice day!

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  7. the pale snowflake falling into the arms of a lover...nice....some cool textures in your words grace....also the slow die, when forgiveness is short is very cool as well..

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  8. Fantastic images in these! I especially love the line "autumn burst into fire and licked my wounds." Wonderful!

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  9. Beautiful, Grace, just beautiful.

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  10. Really great imagery you convey, even the snowflake and they way you spun it at your bay, although I still hate snow, always will at my show haha

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  11. I love learning about new forms and what you've done with this is lovely...
    i slow die - when forgiveness comes short - on bed of leaves, a black stone. There are such beautiful images... and the photo is lovely.


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  12. Striking piece with gripping words. You convey the emotion so well!

    I'm sorry I hardly ever return the comments you leave on my blog through the Poetry Pantry. Your other blog says it's for mature readers and since I don't read that kind of material it's hard to repay the visit. Would it be alright if I returned the comments here?

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  13. Nice fun write, Grace. If leaves could only talk. Thank you.
    The form, a Sijo tristich, seems interesting. I must try my hand at it soon.
    ..

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  14. Lovely words! I haven't heard of Sijo. Thanks for sharing some information about it. :-)

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  15. I loved the visual images you created with your words ... really beautiful !!!

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  16. I just loved the first one, Grace. The mention of the 'black stone' was inspired really. This one was filled with so much feeling.

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  17. How very interesting. Never heard of this poem style before.

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  18. Both are beautiful, Grace. Love this line...i slow die - when forgiveness comes short - on bed of leaves, a black stone.

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  19. How lovely these both are Grace. You introduced an interesting turn in the final lines of each. This form really suits your style, I think.

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  20. Lovely job with this form, Heaven--two, even! I went bald getting one together. I like the first one best--the message, most likely, but both have that feel of dwindling days and season's ending.

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  21. Gorgeous imagery! Hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving :)

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  22. Beautifully done, Grace. "Ashen purple" describes the leaf in the first photo perfectly. Two different kinds of sijo — very nice.
    K

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  23. Oh...I love both of these Grace...I like the idea of the purple leaf representing your heart in the first and I love the shift in the end of the second closing on earthen tones and cider...very well written Sijos!!

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  24. I don't know about the form Grace, but it's your words that give the poem substance. And both of these have much. I love your imagery, your choice of words. A picture is created in my mind as well as a feeling (even without the lovely picture of leaves).

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  25. i haven't tried Sijo but you're inspiring me to attempt it! hope your week is going well, Heaven!

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  26. lovely... great imagery, I love ashen purple...fabulous.

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  27. Like autumn, these lines burst with color, and a gentle letting go. Very beautiful, Grace.

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  28. These are beautiful. The suffering and struggle of the first, and the resolution in the second to let go, all peppered with hints of fall as well. Lovely :)Hope you are well!

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  29. You are such an expert on this type of thing now Grace. Truly beautiful imagery.

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  30. when forgiveness comes short - on bed of leaves, a black stone

    I have a feeling this image in your backyard prompted this write as it too perfectly fits! It is so fun to respond to nature and the four seasons in poetry. Nice!

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  31. I too love ashen purple-so sets the tone of your poem~
    Beautiful hints of autumn!
    Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving :D

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  32. letting go and falling gently...i like...cool pic as well grace

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  33. your words have the gentlest touch...

    and thank you for your visit and your kind words.

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  34. Thanx for the poetics. Autumn images were fun.

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  35. Your usual fine imagination fills these forms in a way that,'s very satisfying for me to read--and read aloud. As always, an enjoyment. Great job.

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  36. I see the connection to the Japanese forms - I think your images work well, not sure about how liquid this becomes in English, but probably needs some adapting. I'm wondering if "ing" forms might make it more "musical". Stay tuned on Thursday, we're doing something similar in a Welsh form! See how you think it compares! Loved that you're exploring these forms and believe your jammed images are quite beautiful and revealing in a very poetic way!

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  37. New form, the images ashen purple and the visual very evocative.Thanks.

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  38. You are very talented. I followed your blog 4suuuuuuure. You should check out my band Terminally Ill on my blog that I wrote about them.

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Thank you for your comments and visit. I appreciate them ~